soup82
26 August 2001, 11:33
This is great
Subject: We'll Run This Planet As We Please
Wall Street Journal
Aug. 23, 2001
By P.J. O'Rourke
We'll Run This Planet As We Please
Are Americans pursuing a misguided course of unilateralism? Are we failing to
cooperate and coordinate with other countries in matters such as the Kyoto
climate treaty, missile defense, and peace processes in the Middle East, the
Balkans and elsewhere? Are we telling foreigners to go pound sand?
But we are foreigners. Every person in America came from, or is descended
from someone who came from, somewhere else, even if it was 30,000 years ago
on a land bridge across the Bering Strait. Of course we're unilateral. If we
Americans had wanted to be ordered around by English wig-tops, French
functionaries, bossy Germans, disorganized Italians, tin-pot Latin American
dictators, and Ice Age Siberian bureaucrats, we would have stayed where we
were. And in the case of us Americans who were shipped here, due to slavery
or exile, we could have gone back. Both the history of Liberia and the type
of American who lives in Paris indicate this is a bad idea.
Being foreigners ourselves, we know what you other foreigners are up to with
your Faustian bargaining sessions, your venomous covenants, lying alliances,
greedy agreements, back-stabbing ententes cordiales, and trick-or-treat
treaty ploys. Count us out.
And, while we're counting, let's count all the nations on the face of the
earth that really count. The number seems to be one. Russia used to be a
superpower but resigned "to spend more time with the family." China is
supposed to be mighty. But the Chinese leadership sweats and trembles when a
couple hundred Falun Gong members show up in Tianamen Square for a mass tai
chi workout.
The United States, with 4.5% of the world's population and 6% of its land
area, produces one-fifth of everything in the world. And we consume even more
than that. No nation compares to America in wealth. Certainly not Japan.
Japan turned out to be a macroeconomic Pokemon craze. Impoverished citizens
of the developing world do not wade the Pacific in the middle of the night
seeking a better life in Japan.
No nation compares to America in influence. American fashions, entertainment,
aspirations and ideals dominate the planet the way Chandra Levy dominates Fox
News. Britain, France and Germany are obscure branch offices of American
culture and may be closed in the interests of rational consolidation.
As for comparisons in matters of life and death, America spends more on
defense than the next 12 top defense-spending countries combined. If the U.S.
is going to be involved in military multilateralism, it should ask its
partner nations that ancient question of diplomacy, "You and what army?"
Indeed, getting America involved in anything of a multilateral nature is like
naming The Rock to an Olympic rowing team and giving the other oars to David
Spade and Calista Flockhart. When America does manage to participate, as an
equal, in the community of nations, the results are not pretty. Look at the
stupid U.N. And somewhere in the hills of former Yugoslavia the ghost of
Woodrow Wilson wanders Marley-like, dragging his chains and regretting the
deeds of his life. Yet the foolish notion of one-worlders persists: Let the
lion lie down with the lamb chop.
What is the point of multilateralism? Is it supposed to prevent wars? There
aren't many wars at the moment -- except in Israel, Macedonia and a few other
places where multilateralism has been attempted. Is nuclear holocaust to be
prevented? America's unilateral missile-defense system will do that, albeit
unilaterally. And, by the way, how come all the people who were so in favor
of unilateral nuclear disarmament are so opposed to unilateral protection
against nukes?
Is the environment to be cleaned up? What's needed for environmental cleanup
is money. America has most of it. A Kyoto treaty that damages the American
economy is not going to leave us Americans with extra money to help you
foreigners recycle your trash -- like all those corrupt, deposed dictators
you're always sending here.
Or is the point of multilateralism simply that America is expected to imitate
the elder and better nations of Europe? They, in their wisdom, decided that
their continent did not have enough government and needed one more big one.
After Hitler, Napoleon and Attila the Hun, the Europeans should know where
this leads. Undeterred by historical example, however, the EU looks to
fulfill the age-old dream of having a country of English cooks, German
lovers, French defense forces and Italian efficiency experts.
America is not an insular country. Unilateralism is not isolationism. America
has always been outward-looking, as the beleaguered Sioux and high-tailing
Mexican armies of the century before last could testify. An isolationist
America would mean New York State champagne and Mississippi catfish caviar.
And there is an intrinsic element of the multilateral in the American
character. Look at our malls. We are perfectly willing to accept what the
rest of the world deems good -- if it comes in attractive colors.
But the rest of the world should not push America too far with claims upon
international relations. The earth is not a family. And only an idiot would
try multilateralism in a family, anyway. If you foreigners want America to
join in a family marriage of nations, fine. But I warn you, we will be a
strict dad. Because it's our planet. And we said so.
By P.J. O'Rourke. Mr. O'Rourke is a writer for the Atlantic Monthly. His
latest book, "The CEO of the Sofa," has just been published by The Atlantic
Monthly Press.
Subject: We'll Run This Planet As We Please
Wall Street Journal
Aug. 23, 2001
By P.J. O'Rourke
We'll Run This Planet As We Please
Are Americans pursuing a misguided course of unilateralism? Are we failing to
cooperate and coordinate with other countries in matters such as the Kyoto
climate treaty, missile defense, and peace processes in the Middle East, the
Balkans and elsewhere? Are we telling foreigners to go pound sand?
But we are foreigners. Every person in America came from, or is descended
from someone who came from, somewhere else, even if it was 30,000 years ago
on a land bridge across the Bering Strait. Of course we're unilateral. If we
Americans had wanted to be ordered around by English wig-tops, French
functionaries, bossy Germans, disorganized Italians, tin-pot Latin American
dictators, and Ice Age Siberian bureaucrats, we would have stayed where we
were. And in the case of us Americans who were shipped here, due to slavery
or exile, we could have gone back. Both the history of Liberia and the type
of American who lives in Paris indicate this is a bad idea.
Being foreigners ourselves, we know what you other foreigners are up to with
your Faustian bargaining sessions, your venomous covenants, lying alliances,
greedy agreements, back-stabbing ententes cordiales, and trick-or-treat
treaty ploys. Count us out.
And, while we're counting, let's count all the nations on the face of the
earth that really count. The number seems to be one. Russia used to be a
superpower but resigned "to spend more time with the family." China is
supposed to be mighty. But the Chinese leadership sweats and trembles when a
couple hundred Falun Gong members show up in Tianamen Square for a mass tai
chi workout.
The United States, with 4.5% of the world's population and 6% of its land
area, produces one-fifth of everything in the world. And we consume even more
than that. No nation compares to America in wealth. Certainly not Japan.
Japan turned out to be a macroeconomic Pokemon craze. Impoverished citizens
of the developing world do not wade the Pacific in the middle of the night
seeking a better life in Japan.
No nation compares to America in influence. American fashions, entertainment,
aspirations and ideals dominate the planet the way Chandra Levy dominates Fox
News. Britain, France and Germany are obscure branch offices of American
culture and may be closed in the interests of rational consolidation.
As for comparisons in matters of life and death, America spends more on
defense than the next 12 top defense-spending countries combined. If the U.S.
is going to be involved in military multilateralism, it should ask its
partner nations that ancient question of diplomacy, "You and what army?"
Indeed, getting America involved in anything of a multilateral nature is like
naming The Rock to an Olympic rowing team and giving the other oars to David
Spade and Calista Flockhart. When America does manage to participate, as an
equal, in the community of nations, the results are not pretty. Look at the
stupid U.N. And somewhere in the hills of former Yugoslavia the ghost of
Woodrow Wilson wanders Marley-like, dragging his chains and regretting the
deeds of his life. Yet the foolish notion of one-worlders persists: Let the
lion lie down with the lamb chop.
What is the point of multilateralism? Is it supposed to prevent wars? There
aren't many wars at the moment -- except in Israel, Macedonia and a few other
places where multilateralism has been attempted. Is nuclear holocaust to be
prevented? America's unilateral missile-defense system will do that, albeit
unilaterally. And, by the way, how come all the people who were so in favor
of unilateral nuclear disarmament are so opposed to unilateral protection
against nukes?
Is the environment to be cleaned up? What's needed for environmental cleanup
is money. America has most of it. A Kyoto treaty that damages the American
economy is not going to leave us Americans with extra money to help you
foreigners recycle your trash -- like all those corrupt, deposed dictators
you're always sending here.
Or is the point of multilateralism simply that America is expected to imitate
the elder and better nations of Europe? They, in their wisdom, decided that
their continent did not have enough government and needed one more big one.
After Hitler, Napoleon and Attila the Hun, the Europeans should know where
this leads. Undeterred by historical example, however, the EU looks to
fulfill the age-old dream of having a country of English cooks, German
lovers, French defense forces and Italian efficiency experts.
America is not an insular country. Unilateralism is not isolationism. America
has always been outward-looking, as the beleaguered Sioux and high-tailing
Mexican armies of the century before last could testify. An isolationist
America would mean New York State champagne and Mississippi catfish caviar.
And there is an intrinsic element of the multilateral in the American
character. Look at our malls. We are perfectly willing to accept what the
rest of the world deems good -- if it comes in attractive colors.
But the rest of the world should not push America too far with claims upon
international relations. The earth is not a family. And only an idiot would
try multilateralism in a family, anyway. If you foreigners want America to
join in a family marriage of nations, fine. But I warn you, we will be a
strict dad. Because it's our planet. And we said so.
By P.J. O'Rourke. Mr. O'Rourke is a writer for the Atlantic Monthly. His
latest book, "The CEO of the Sofa," has just been published by The Atlantic
Monthly Press.