LPalli
14 May 2000, 04:11
Do to all these 'Find the fake SEAL and rub him out' attitude thats been flying around the SOCnet lately this article caught me eye. I found it in MAXIM magazine (great by the way.) It is supposedly a new 'lie' you can use to impress the ladies... it says if you know this you can be a Navy SEAL... here you go and by the way, I am not a Navy SEAL. (Just so no one takes this the wrong way, which happens a lot too.)
Liar, Liar: Navy SEAL
Nothing turns a woman on like a guy with a cool job. And when your real job doesn’t qualify, it’s time to lie. This month, you are: a Navy SEAL.*
Maxim, September 1998
Your Job
As a member of the SEAL (Sea, Air, Land) team, you specialize in underwater warfare. One of the baddest muthafuckas in the military, you can do nearly anything. As a result, you’re routinely saddled with our nation’s most difficult and dangerous tasks: snatching prisoners, ambushing the enemy deep within their territory, counterattacking terrorists, and performing various highly classified acts of extremely violent heroism.
Your Training
You were an enlisted Navy man with an iron will and a voracious appetite for pain, qualities which got you through 26 weeks of grueling SEAL training designed to weed out the weak. Like going on 10-mile runs with a shovelful of sand in your drawers rubbing your scrotum raw. Like being dropped into 10 feet of water with your hands tied behind your back. And somewhere in between, you learned all there is to know about diving, demolition, killin’ folks for lookin’ at you funny, and the fine art of the intimidating lip curl.
Your Gear
Instead of standard scuba apparatus, you use the Draeger rebreathing system, which recirculates your breath without producing bubbles (which might be spotted by enemies on the surface). Your six-man sub, the Swimmer Delivery Vehicle Mk VIII, is windowless and powered by a quiet electric motor that can carry you from a nuclear sub stationed miles offshore right between the balls of an unsuspecting onshore enemy. Once behind Iraqi…er, enemy lines, you’ll be glad you brought your K-Bar knife—seven inches of cold steel—to kill the bastards silently. If your cover’s blown, may as well whip out your Heckler & Koch MP5 submachine gun: a weapon with a laser sight that’s deadly accurate even after four hours underwater. Out of ammo? Send a parting volley with your CAR-15 assault rifle, which was specially designed for the SEAL team with a short barrel, retractable stock, and grenade launcher.
Your Lingo
Goatscrew: A mission gone wrong and getting worse.
Hack-it school: If you’ve seen combat or otherwise proven yourself as a SEAL, you’ve been to hack-it school.
Operator: A guy who gets down to business and does the job at hand.
Ring the bell: Give up or fail. (When sissy trainees can’t take it anymore, they ring a brass bell and lay their helmets down.)
Room broom: Pet name for the bullet- spraying MP5.
Giving him the red ass: An experienced SEAL hazing a newer SEAL. (Go on, snicker—if you’re keen to try life in an iron lung.)
Conversation in a Can
If she asks: “Have you ever been seriously injured?”
You answer: “I’ve got so much shrapnel in me that I set off airport metal detectors.”
If she asks: “What’s it like killing people?”
You answer: “Well, forget what you’ve seen in the movies—it’s a messy business. Even a quick kill with a knife can be very noisy: There’s usually plenty of gurgling to wake up a sleeper or warn a sentry. Oh, I’m sorry—you probably don’t want to hear that.”
If she asks: “Do you ever get scared?”
You answer: “I only really get scared in the presence of incredible beauty…like yours. Care for another drink?”
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LPalli
USMA
'Pain is just a reminder that you're still alive.'
Liar, Liar: Navy SEAL
Nothing turns a woman on like a guy with a cool job. And when your real job doesn’t qualify, it’s time to lie. This month, you are: a Navy SEAL.*
Maxim, September 1998
Your Job
As a member of the SEAL (Sea, Air, Land) team, you specialize in underwater warfare. One of the baddest muthafuckas in the military, you can do nearly anything. As a result, you’re routinely saddled with our nation’s most difficult and dangerous tasks: snatching prisoners, ambushing the enemy deep within their territory, counterattacking terrorists, and performing various highly classified acts of extremely violent heroism.
Your Training
You were an enlisted Navy man with an iron will and a voracious appetite for pain, qualities which got you through 26 weeks of grueling SEAL training designed to weed out the weak. Like going on 10-mile runs with a shovelful of sand in your drawers rubbing your scrotum raw. Like being dropped into 10 feet of water with your hands tied behind your back. And somewhere in between, you learned all there is to know about diving, demolition, killin’ folks for lookin’ at you funny, and the fine art of the intimidating lip curl.
Your Gear
Instead of standard scuba apparatus, you use the Draeger rebreathing system, which recirculates your breath without producing bubbles (which might be spotted by enemies on the surface). Your six-man sub, the Swimmer Delivery Vehicle Mk VIII, is windowless and powered by a quiet electric motor that can carry you from a nuclear sub stationed miles offshore right between the balls of an unsuspecting onshore enemy. Once behind Iraqi…er, enemy lines, you’ll be glad you brought your K-Bar knife—seven inches of cold steel—to kill the bastards silently. If your cover’s blown, may as well whip out your Heckler & Koch MP5 submachine gun: a weapon with a laser sight that’s deadly accurate even after four hours underwater. Out of ammo? Send a parting volley with your CAR-15 assault rifle, which was specially designed for the SEAL team with a short barrel, retractable stock, and grenade launcher.
Your Lingo
Goatscrew: A mission gone wrong and getting worse.
Hack-it school: If you’ve seen combat or otherwise proven yourself as a SEAL, you’ve been to hack-it school.
Operator: A guy who gets down to business and does the job at hand.
Ring the bell: Give up or fail. (When sissy trainees can’t take it anymore, they ring a brass bell and lay their helmets down.)
Room broom: Pet name for the bullet- spraying MP5.
Giving him the red ass: An experienced SEAL hazing a newer SEAL. (Go on, snicker—if you’re keen to try life in an iron lung.)
Conversation in a Can
If she asks: “Have you ever been seriously injured?”
You answer: “I’ve got so much shrapnel in me that I set off airport metal detectors.”
If she asks: “What’s it like killing people?”
You answer: “Well, forget what you’ve seen in the movies—it’s a messy business. Even a quick kill with a knife can be very noisy: There’s usually plenty of gurgling to wake up a sleeper or warn a sentry. Oh, I’m sorry—you probably don’t want to hear that.”
If she asks: “Do you ever get scared?”
You answer: “I only really get scared in the presence of incredible beauty…like yours. Care for another drink?”
------------------
LPalli
USMA
'Pain is just a reminder that you're still alive.'