Family life

[surfrescue]

I'm considering applying to an LE agency. In fact I will probably mail out the application this week or next and start the process. My fiancee isn't too thrilled about the idea though, but she will support my decision, whatever I do. We are getting married in 7 months. I was just wondering how being a police officer can or will affect family life. I understand that each PD is different, but if there are basic generalizations that you all can offer it will help me immensely with my decision. Thanks. Tim
If it makes any difference with your answer it's a county LE agency. (Dang fingers don't want to type tonight)

[This message has been edited by surfrescue (edited 11-05-2001).]

[This message has been edited by surfrescue (edited 11-05-2001).]

[extremetacticalgear]

Hello surfrescue,

After 8+ years of LE and getting out then losing a little boy and now wanting to get back in, I can offer you some insight.
First, make sure you have complete support of your wife, girlfriend or who ever fills that spot. It will help out tremendously when you are on graves or being called out or having to stay late to finish paperwork. Second, don't plan on to much of a family life at first, it will take alot to learn all the new stuff and just get into the swing of things. Also, it is important that you do this to let others know what type of Deputy you will be. If you have any expectations on progress within your agency, they will look at your background when you got hired on and the scores you achieved during the academy and F.T.O.. And Lastly, plan on being away from the family quite a bit. Court, training and extra duty will take a big bite out of family time. This is all just generalized and for obvious reasons, different from agency to agency. I think the general ideas are pretty much standard throughout the country though. All these things also depend on how good of a LE professional you want to be too, so keep that in mind. If your real good, it will take you along ways later in your career.
Good luck and remember, any choice is the best choice as long as you and your girlfriend are pleased with the decision.

etg

[Sharky]

Life in LE on the street also has a tendency to make you appreciate your time with your family as well. After a few years of seeing some pretty horrific shit, you won't take things for granted quite so often.

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F.I.D.O.

[extremetacticalgear]

Sharky hit the nail on the head too,

Remember, cherish each and every day with your loved ones, work is not that important when it comes between the family. Take it from someone who has BTDT, once you lose a special person in your life, there is no going back. Pictures and videos are just not the same thing. Think about all those that lost someone on 9-11, my heart grieves everyday for them, I know what they are going through. It is not easy. It does get better, but it never goes away.
And on a lighter note, you will be entering a whole new lifestyle with a family of it's own. They will take care of you and yours without question. There is not a better profession to be employeed in, in MHO.

Stay safe and good luck.
etg

[mdb23]

Here's my .02,

I wish I could give you a straight answer, but it really all depends on the woman you are with. If you are fortunate enough to be with a strong, independent woman, then the job isn't that much of a stressor. If your significant other is the whiny, dependent type, then you are going to be miserable.

Keep in mind the following:

1) You will be working midnights or PMs, so she will spend a majority of her nights alone.

2) You will probably work most/all holidays, so you will not be able to attend family celebrations.

3) You might have rotating days off, which will mean that you and your wife's days off will not coincide.

If she can handle that (and the fact that you might get shot at), then you will have no problems. However, if she is like my old parter's wife, she will call you twenty times during the shift (because she is worried about you --- or is just bored), and whine and bitch about the fact that you can't get your anniversary off for the third year in a row. Even if you can live with the latter, your partner will hate you for it (trust me). There is nothing worse than having a partner who spends eight hours out of a ten hour shift baby talking his wife or girlfriend.

Quote: "Honey, I have to get off of the phone, we are rolling up on an outside disturbance ---- no, I am not trying to get rid of you ---- yes, you know I love you ----- honey, my partner is in a footchase, I really have to go!!!"

mdb23

[This message has been edited by mdb23 (edited 11-06-2001).]

[RECON5]

Originally posted by extremetacticalgear:
And on a lighter note, you will be entering a whole new lifestyle with a family of it's own. They will take care of you and yours without question. There is not a better profession to be employeed in, in MHO.
Stay safe and good luck.
etg

Maybe noted on the lighter side, but it will have as much of and effect as anything else brought up thus far. Not to take away from the important points made by Extreme.

There are a lot of rookies, who have trashed a perfectly good law enforcement career by getting into "the lifestyle". Law Enforcement like military is a culture total independant of any out there. The only way to experience it is to get on the inside. Wear the badge. In alot of ways they are your family. They expect as much out of you as your mother, will come down on you just as hard for screwing up as your father, and pick at you like a big brother, BUT when business is business there will be no one you would rather have on your side. This not only applies to your department, but look at the friendships made on this board with no other common ground than Military / LE.

The Key (in MHO) is perspective. Your a professional who must maintain Loyalty above all else except Honor, but spouse and family are part of that integrity. The rookies I spoke of earlier......(from my experience) they tend to seperate professional integrity from there personal integrity. No such thing. You have it or you don't. It you don't think so let IA or an agressive Civil Attorney get to you. Your personal life is as reflective of your Honor and Integrity as your professional one. You may take an oath of office, buy you also take a vow to your spouse.

Just my .02worth.

Recon

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REMEMBER 1*
"NEMO ME IMPUNE LACESSIT"
In memory of ALL our fallen

[surfrescue]

Thank you all for your replies. I still have some thinking to do, but what you all have said is helpful.
ETG, if I may, I would like to offer my condolences on the loss of your little boy. It is something no one should ever have to endure.
Tim

[Pat Murphy]

Good advice from these guys. I would add one more thing though that I used to tell my rookies when I was an FTO. You also need to make friends "Outside" of LE.

At about the 3 year mark, if you last that long, people will start to become "As*^#$@". You will have delt with mostly those kindof people and its easy to slip into the, "Them against us" mantality.

It will not only ruin you as a person and and effective LE officer but it will destroy your marriage and family. You need to associate with good people outside of LE so you remember "Why" you took the job in the first place. Good luck and God bless.

[Curtis Newkirk]

Marry a Chick that digs Cuffs.

P.S. Never, Never, Never let her put them on you!!!!!!!!!!(speaking from experiance)

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Nuck
"Defensor Brewus"
Defender of the beer

[surfrescue]

Originally posted by Curtis Newkirk:
Marry a Chick that digs Cuffs.

P.S. Never, Never, Never let her put them on you!!!!!!!!!!(speaking from experiance)



LMAO

[This message has been edited by surfrescue (edited 11-08-2001).]

[Sapper12B]

mdb,

Are you in the KC area? Ex 10-81 here, graduated 82nd EOC, KCPD 9 years.

[extremetacticalgear]

RECON5,

I agree. I sometimes can't think of everything. Thanks for the back-up.

etg

[extremetacticalgear]

surfrescue,

Thanks for the kind words. Best to you and yours.

etg

[mdb23]

Originally posted by Sapper12B:
mdb,

Are you in the KC area? Ex 10-81 here, graduated 82nd EOC, KCPD 9 years.


Affirmative. Currently 10-81 (105th EOC)... and working out of lovely EPD.

Did you leave us for greener pastures?

mdb23



[This message has been edited by mdb23 (edited 11-07-2001).]

[Tracy]

Originally posted by extremetacticalgear:

...And on a lighter note, you will be entering a whole new lifestyle with a family of it's own. They will take care of you and yours without question. There is not a better profession to be employeed in, in MHO.

Stay safe and good luck.


Now, if they were only computer literate...

;-)

[Sapper12B]

mdb,

Roger that, I was the point man for 640 squad for a few years, Ward Smith's squad, left the PD to finish my Aerospace Engineering degree here at Florida Institute of Technology. Ask SGT Chirnside about me, or SGT McHale;Mac and I went to the academy together. After 9/11, I decided to get back into LE, applied to a <federal agency>, made the first cut. Send me an e-mail, keep me up to date.

[mdb23]

Email shot out.

[grrlcop74]

Originally posted by Tracy:
;-)



What the hell is that?

Kristen

[mdb23]

I think that represents a man wearing UDT shorts which are far too small for him.

[This message has been edited by mdb23 (edited 11-08-2001).]

[okami]

surfrescue:

these are the rules you need to live by in the LE family, they have worked for me:

5. dont sleep with any body AT the office

4. dont front the money

3. shoot the guy with the gun

2. Fu*k me?...Fu*k you!

1. do right by people, all people

these are subject to interpretation.

stay safe

okami

[TXSWAT]

be in it for the right reasons. there are jobs, then there are "callings". the public won't let you leave the "job" at the office. your social life will be altered...of this, you can be assured.

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deny everything, demand proof.