"I was with 402"

[Spinner]

Decided to head out last night for a few at a local watering hole, and was wearing an ARMY sweatshirt with the large Army crest.

As I was finishing a phone call outside, some nimrod walked up to me and asked "you were in the Army, too?", to which I replied in the affirmative and then asked him when and where he served.

He told me he was a West Point grad, and right away I could tell he was full of shit, but decided to ask a few questions anyway, just to confirm my suspicions. When I asked him what his branch was, he gave me a puzzled look, and said "Army", following up with "402".

So I led him with a few suggestions. Were you MI? Armor? At which point he stated he was with the Merchant Marine. I told him he was full of shit, and he'd never served a day in his life. Of course, that didn't stop his protestations, but I just walked away shaking my head.

I'm aware there was a TF 402, but he sure as hell wasn't with them. WTF is up with these assholes? They seem to be springing up everywhere.

[Ralphie]

I've never encountered one myself, but a buddy of mine ran into a guy in a bar in his 20s claiming to be a captain...a NAVY captain. I mean, seriously... if you're going to go to the trouble of being a poser douchebag POS, at least do the research. :rolleyes:

[RB]

~snip~.. if you're going to go to the trouble of being a poser douchebag POS, at least do the research. :rolleyes:

nooooo.....plz...don't. ;)

Keep being stoopit, you'll be easier to catch.

[18C4V]

I reverse pose, last time I was a rodeo clown or a professional gamer employed by Sony.

[Hot Mess]

I reverse pose, last time I was a rodeo clown or a professional gamer employed by Sony.

Well if Tim was in the rodeo I guess it's believable you were, but pro gamer for Sony? That's way to believable:biggrin: I just tell people I'm a garbage man, until I run into a professional garbage man, then I'll have to back-peddle:tongue:

[The91Bravo]

I do none of the above....

Someone had to take John Holmes' old job.... I chose to pick up that mantle... But posing... no not me

[8Ball]

I do none of the above....

Someone had to take John Holmes' old job.... I chose to pick up that mantle... But posing... no not me

Wait!
There is not room for both of us. Have your people call my people.

[Longrifle]

John Holmes was posing as me. You're both fired . . .

[The Fat Guy]

At least he didnt claim to be a retired Lieutenant Colonel. They all want to be LTC's for some reason.

[Papa Smurf]

If you're going to be a poser, tell them a story that can not be verified...

1. Beauty pageant bra strap adjuster (if they question it ask them if they have ever seen a bra strap on a beauty pageant contestant, then smile and nod when they say no).

2. Edible panties flavor tester (have a pair on hand, just in case she wants a demonstration).

3. Professional nude photographer (no way to not prove this one).

4. Massage therapist (again, no way to not prove it).

5. Adult movie script writer (how hard can it be to write 'oh baby' 20 different times).

6. Hooters restaurant mystery shopper...

7. IRS auditor in charge of fraudulent sex toy deduction screening.

8. Sports Illustrated swimsuit model selection team.

9. Durex commercial director.

10. Guinness quality assurance team...

:biggrin:

[8Ball]

At least he didnt claim to be a retired Lieutenant Colonel. They all want to be LTC's for some reason.

Everyone except you...

Oh wait. Shit. Nevermind.:biggrin:

[8Ball]

John Holmes was posing as me. You're both fired . . .

I'll see you in court. POSER!:tongue:

Besides, I am posing as Magician in every bar I go to. So far, nobody has caught on.

[KidA]

I've never encountered one myself, but a buddy of mine ran into a guy in a bar in his 20s claiming to be a captain...a NAVY captain. I mean, seriously... if you're going to go to the trouble of being a poser douchebag POS, at least do the research. :rolleyes:

Well Alexander Hamilton was a Lieutenant Colonel at 20 :biggrin:

One of my Marine friends always tells chicks in bars that he designs Christian-themed board games.

[MacDuff]

Well if Tim was in the rodeo I guess it's believable you were, but pro gamer for Sony? That's way to believable:biggrin: I just tell people I'm a garbage man, until I run into a professional garbage man, then I'll have to back-peddle:tongue:


When people ask me what I want to be after I graduate, I use one that I heard here a while back. Policy Implementation Specialist for the US Government...Fancy words for (Hopefully) an Infantry Officer.

I also love when sorority girls ask what I can do with a degree in mechanical engineering...then compare it to how hard their major is (communications). :rolleyes:

[MeatLasagna]

I tell chicks I'm the world's worst cagefighter... keeps me out of trouble and explains my good looks too. :biggrin:

[BOFH]

I still keep telling 'em I'm a cook in the Army. Explains the high-and-tight, and the general lack of fashion-sense. Also, nobody is going to call me out and try to kick my ass over that one.

[Greenhat]

3. Professional nude photographer (no way to not prove this one).:biggrin:

What sort of lighting equipment do you use? Do you prefer umbrellas or softboxes? What resolution do you prefer to shoot at? What ISO setting? What sort of reflectors do you prefer? What color?

Professional photographer is a technical position... the folks who shoot nudes? Have a specific set of restraints and technical problems to address.

:biggrin:

[eltrane]

In-Flight Missile Crewman. I told a chick this at the Madigan Club back in maybe 1985? Not sure if she bought it but I did get some.

[bmbsqd]

If you're going to be a poser, tell them a story that can not be verified...


Army Surf Team

[bmbsqd]

During some down time prior to a VIP in Costa Rica we told some locals we were Playboy photogs in San Jose to do a "Girls of Central America" shoot. We had about 10 hot chicks up in our Captain's room (he had a suite), using the 35mm cams out of our VIP-kits. We had about 3 rolls of film but just kept "shooting" when the film ran out. What a great trip!!!

What sort of lighting equipment do you use? Do you prefer umbrellas or softboxes? What resolution do you prefer to shoot at? What ISO setting? What sort of reflectors do you prefer? What color?

Professional photographer is a technical position... the folks who shoot nudes? Have a specific set of restraints and technical problems to address.

:biggrin:

[random]

One of my Marine friends always tells chicks in bars that he designs Christian-themed board games.

Does that actually work? I think I'd be scared of the type that would go for that.

I tell chicks I'm the world's worst cagefighter... keeps me out of trouble and explains my good looks too. :biggrin:

Better have the ears to prove it. ;)

[NWPTrainer]

Does that actually work? I think I'd be scared of the type that would go for that.




Don't be. Christian girls put out just like everyone else...even before marriage...even the previously virginal ones. You just have to possess my level of charming good looks and stunning personality!:biggrin:


I've always been fond of "I'm an aspiring novelist." Of course, it never worked anywhere except Savannah and here in Portland....

[BOFH]

I've always been fond of "I'm an aspiring novelist." Of course, it never worked anywhere except Savannah and here in Portland....


That one works well in Austin, TX as well.

[NWPTrainer]

That one works well in Austin, TX as well.

Yeah, it would, wouldn't it?

[Ex-PH]

I have a buddy who used to tell girls he was everything but the Sailor he actually was. The one time he told the truth, the girl didn't believe him, so he shouted to another buddy across the bar "Greg, what do I do for a living?". He was pretty pissed when Greg yelled back "Uh, semi-pro baseball player?"

[NWPTrainer]

One night in Statesboro a bunch of us told the local Georgia Southern girls that we were "Rugby players from Hunter College in Savannah"....


When one asked why she had never heard of it, we had to come up with the idea that it was a very exclusive private school with limited recruiting and no female students...They bought it:rolleyes:

[bobofthedesert]

During some down time prior to a VIP in Costa Rica we told some locals we were Playboy photogs in San Jose to do a "Girls of Central America" shoot. We had about 10 hot chicks up in our Captain's room (he had a suite), using the 35mm cams out of our VIP-kits. We had about 3 rolls of film but just kept "shooting" when the film ran out. What a great trip!!!

And the winner is......

4. Massage therapist (again, no way to not prove it).

And yet if you're any good can be proved very easily.....

[Scratchy]

I have a buddy who used to tell girls he was everything but the Sailor he actually was. The one time he told the truth, the girl didn't believe him, so he shouted to another buddy across the bar "Greg, what do I do for a living?". He was pretty pissed when Greg yelled back "Uh, semi-pro baseball player?"

That's funny as hell.

[JumpCut]

If you want blank stares, tell them you work at the cookie factory, punching assholes out of the animal crackers.

[kenshinw3]

During a JTF-6 gig in Ca., our TM spent a week in Miramar (old Top Gun school) where we hung out at the bars to be situationally aware of the night life. Girl comes up to a couple of us at the bar and opens up with, "you guys must be pilots aren't you?"...w/out skipping a beat my medic dives right in. Conversation leads to her asking what we fly...
Medic responds with" I fly a F 470 [Zodiac CRRC], its a new fighter and my call sign is the 'coxswain'...I about lost it but didn't want to violate OPSEC and ruin his good thing...
BTW...he took her for a flight that night

[Massgrunt]

"Our tattoos stand for University of Southern Methodist College".

[Old_Starlight]

I breed Drop Bears. :biggrin:

[Massgrunt]

I breed Drop Bears. :biggrin:I'll see your breeding drop bears and raise you a:

"It's funny you should mention drop bears, or "Ursus Stillatim". I've just returned from six months in the outback counting them for the World Wildlife Fund. We're trying to prevent them from slipping from vulnerable to endangered. Urban sprawl and habitat encroachment have impacted them hugely in the last fifteen years, and their long gestation period means they're not very resilient as a species. Drop Bears can't ask for help... if we don't speak for them, who will?"

[RetPara]

I tell people that I'm on weekend pass from a in-patient psychiatric facility. My wife is a nurse that's assigned to me. My kids (in their 20's) are interns assigned to my case. My daughter will ALWAYS back me up on that.....

[RGR.Montcalm]

Professional photographer is a technical position... the folks who shoot nudes? Have a specific set of restraints and technical problems to address.

:biggrin:

Finally GH comes out of the closet as an expert BDSM freak...:biggrin:

[RGR.Montcalm]

I told a couple of folks that I was an "Upper Frontal Superstructure Inspector";

When they asked what that entailed, I said it required a keen eye for detail to ensure quality and quantity were as advertised, regarding protruberances, ranging from small to extremely large, from the main structure.

About this time the glazed look would begin to appear along with nods as if they didn't realize I was talking about their boobs...;)

[random]

When they asked what that entailed, I said it required a keen eye for detail to ensure quality and quantity were as advertised, regarding protruberances, ranging from small to extremely large


So apparently the quantity advertised can vary to a certain degree? You know some interesting women. ;)

[magician]

I'll see you in court. POSER!:tongue:

Besides, I am posing as Magician in every bar I go to. So far, nobody has caught on.

I meant for you to do that.

"These are not the 'droids that you are looking for..."

:smile:

[billdawg]

At least he didnt claim to be a retired Lieutenant Colonel. They all want to be LTC's for some reason.

Why the hell anyone would want ot be one of those is beyond me,:biggrin:

[Abu Khalil]

Usually claim to be a Proctologist, seems to be a conversation killer. Do not frequent the San Francisco, CA, or Bristol, UK area; so have never been asked for a demo.

Considered by many, to be a PITA anyway, so...

[BlackAdam01]

I'll see your breeding drop bears and raise you a:

"It's funny you should mention drop bears, or "Ursus Stillatim". I've just returned from six months in the outback counting them for the World Wildlife Fund. We're trying to prevent them from slipping from vulnerable to endangered. Urban sprawl and habitat encroachment have impacted them hugely in the last fifteen years, and their long gestation period means they're not very resilient as a species. Drop Bears can't ask for help... if we don't speak for them, who will?"

You are truely a dangerous man....

[RGR.Montcalm]

Usually claim to be a Proctologist, seems to be a conversation killer. Do not frequent the San Francisco, CA, or Bristol, UK area; so have never been asked for a demo.

Considered by many, to be a PITA anyway, so...

Maybe you should tell them you're a rectal probe repairman...

[Abu Khalil]

Maybe you should tell them you're a rectal probe repairman...

Sounds like a shitty career field. Though we always did used to joke about being SST (Shite Sucking Truck) Operators. Not like that'll ever become redundant;-)

Worse would be the Divers, required to conduct repairs on the inside of the tanks...

[RGR.Montcalm]

So apparently the quantity advertised can vary to a certain degree? You know some interesting women. ;)

Ever come across a push up braof one with inserts?

how about this one?

http://www.youtube.com/user/jui9661

There WAS a thread- don't know what happened to it...

[hawkdrver]

I'm a go-kart mechanic. The carburetor on that number 4 car has been acting up lately.

Occasionally I also work at the batting cage.

[grappler]

Someone had to take John Holmes' old job.... I chose to pick up that mantle... But posing... no not me

Wait!
There is not room for both of us. Have your people call my people.
John Holmes went both ways... so that's all you, brothers.:biggrin:
I tell chicks I'm the world's worst cagefighter... keeps me out of trouble and explains my good looks too. :biggrin:
Hahaha

A guy at the GNC my wife use to get her vitamins from told her that he was a Cagefighter hoping it would turn her on -- it didn't and he wasn't. IMO, wanting a girl who thinks fighters are cool are nothing but trouble -- and will probably end up just getting you into it. (Read Forrest Griffin's book) Although, I like your approach of "worst''...

I still keep telling 'em I'm a cook in the Army. Explains the high-and-tight, and the general lack of fashion-sense. Also, nobody is going to call me out and try to kick my ass over that one.
Dude, there is no excuse for a high and unnecessary...:biggrin:

[Hopeless Civilian]

I told a couple of folks that I was an "Upper Frontal Superstructure Inspector";

When they asked what that entailed, I said it required a keen eye for detail to ensure quality and quantity were as advertised, regarding protruberances, ranging from small to extremely large, from the main structure.

About this time the glazed look would begin to appear along with nods as if they didn't realize I was talking about their boobs...;)

I love this one! Can I borrow it SGM? Please? :biggrin:

[KidA]

I love this one! Can I borrow it SGM? Please? :biggrin:

No. You get Lower Frontal Superstructure Inspector. :biggrin:

[RGR.Montcalm]

I love this one! Can I borrow it SGM? Please? :biggrin:

Yours for the schmoozing...:biggrin:

[RGR.Montcalm]

No. You get Lower Frontal Superstructure Inspector. :biggrin:

That would be the Lower Frontal Subterranian Entrance Inspector- I moonlight in that occupation too...:eek::biggrin:

[KidA]

That would be the Lower Frontal Subterranian Entrance Inspector- I moonlight in that occupation too...:eek::biggrin:

Gosh Rick, how can you be so demeaning to women? ThisChick is going to be sore disappointed in you and SOCNET. :biggrin:

[JAFO]

Y'all can use my Underwater Gynecologist line if you like...."It's a field that's really opening up.":eek:

[RGR.Montcalm]

Gosh Rick, how can you be so demeaning to women? ThisChick is going to be sore disappointed in you and SOCNET. :biggrin:

In the words of Mike Rowe of The Discovery Channel,"It's a dirty job but has to be done."

[magician]

Y'all can use my Underwater Gynecologist line if you like...."It's a field that's really opening up.":eek:

I can attest to that. It is wide open.

:smile:

[Certa Cito]

A few of the old ones used by British servicemen:

1 - I change the battery in cats-eyes (the reflective things in the road, assuming you call them the same thing).
2 - I work on the pick and mix counter at Woolworths (pick and mix candy and chocolate, not believable nowadays, as Woolies have gone bust).
3 - Underwater wood welder.
4 - Dolphin trainer.

There's a whole load more, but really can't remember them - not my style anyway, plus the girls usually go away when I open my mouth, let alone give some bullshit story.

I met a guy who said he used to guard the Queen, but couldn't tell me what capbadge he was. An author did a study a few years ago, and estimated that are something like two thousand blokes in pubs up and down the country who were apparently one of the guys on the balcony during the Iranian Embassy siege. What is wrong with these people?!

[JAFO]

There's a whole load more, but really can't remember them - not my style anyway, plus the girls usually go away when I open my mouth, let alone give some bullshit story.


Have you tried brushing your teeth?:biggrin:
We worked with the SBS guys once in Fallon, they had the same problem.

[8Ball]

I meant for you to do that.

"These are not the 'droids that you are looking for..."

:smile:

I didn't figure you would mind. Its the whole "Zip Code" thing!:smile:

[billdawg]

A
An author did a study a few years ago, and estimated that are something like two thousand blokes in pubs up and down the country who were apparently one of the guys on the balcony during the Iranian Embassy siege. !

Sweet, so you saw me then? I was the one wearing black,:biggrin:

[grappler]

I met a guy who said he used to guard the Queen, but couldn't tell me what capbadge he was. An author did a study a few years ago, and estimated that are something like two thousand blokes in pubs up and down the country who were apparently one of the guys on the balcony during the Iranian Embassy siege. What is wrong with these people?!

Classic!

[Certa Cito]

Have you tried brushing your teeth?

Sure, twice daily, with this brown stuff that smells a bit odd. Is that not right?

No, the reason that more often than not opening my mouth results in them making a swift egress is because on the rare occasion I actually venture out for more than a few drinks, I'm more than likely wasted to the point that I'm so far beyond the Thunderdome that I'm barely aware that I'm even talking to a girl. It doesn't go down too well.

Sweet, so you saw me then? I was the one wearing black.

You must've been the super secret Delta guy who served with the Blades. It is an honour to meet you.

[SOTB]

Underwater Bulk Fuel.

Can't be topped.

Sadly, I did not invent it....

[Spinner]

I just tell people I'm a garbage man, until I run into a professional garbage man, then I'll have to back-peddle:tongue:

LMAO

Underwater Bulk Fuel is a good one. You should come up with a list of realistic sounding requirements, qualifications and duties to go with it, make it even more (un)believable. :biggrin:

[SOTB]

Underwater Bulk Fuel is a good one. You should come up with a list of realistic sounding requirements, qualifications and duties to go with it, make it even more (un)believable....There used to be a thread here, I think it was in the SEAL area, where I had added some detail and an arrogant wannabe took the whole thing (he was being an ass, so I threw it out there and commented to some degree about how much more hardcore it was compared to the SEALs) -- even to the point that he came back and told other posters that UBF was real -- he had researched it.

I looked but don't see the thread any longer....

[Massgrunt]

Underwater Bulk Fuel.

Can't be topped.

Sadly, I did not invent it....

That's the guys that refuel submarines, right?

[Massgrunt]

An author did a study a few years ago, and estimated that are something like two thousand blokes in pubs up and down the country who were apparently one of the guys on the balcony during the Iranian Embassy siege. What is wrong with these people?!
"I wasn't on Nimrod, but thousands of my mates were."

[Spinner]

There used to be a thread here, I think it was in the SEAL area, where I had added some detail and an arrogant wannabe took the whole thing (he was being an ass, so I threw it out there and commented to some degree about how much more hardcore it was compared to the SEALs) -- even to the point that he came back and told other posters that UBF was real -- he had researched it.

I looked but don't see the thread any longer....

Kind of like Captain Tuttle in that episode of M*A*S*H.

"We can all be comforted by the thought that he's not really gone, there's a little Tuttle left in all of us, in fact you might say that all of us together made up Tuttle"

[SOTB]

That's the guys that refuel submarines, right?Yes.

Lots of people talk shit about how hard or tough their gig is, but there is NOTHING like having to fin your ass off chasing down a submerged sub, dragging two 5ga cans of diesel behind you.

UBF -- hard MF'ers....

[Husker19D30]

Yes.

Lots of people talk shit about how hard or tough their gig is, but there is NOTHING like having to fin your ass off chasing down a submerged sub, dragging two 5ga cans of diesel behind you.

UBF -- hard MF'ers....

It's been recently determined that the UBF arm of the Marine Corps Logistics Command has been severely underfunded for years! Congress has recently mandated backdated funding for underwater bulk fuel operations and training to 1982. Heads are expected to roll due to this oversight.

[Stanley_White]

I tell people that I am a Trophy Husband.

Or I tell them I am a Minor Bureaucrat. When they ask what I do I say "I put in my eight turning in boxes into out boxes for The Man."

These usually get a chuckle and the conversation moves on.

[JAFO]

Yes.

Lots of people talk shit about how hard or tough their gig is, but there is NOTHING like having to fin your ass off chasing down a submerged sub, dragging two 5ga cans of diesel behind you.

UBF -- hard MF'ers....

SOTB, You could be like the "Area Man" on The Onion.
"Local Area Man becomes first UBF to complete Pacific swim chasing Trident Sub...news at 11."

[0699]

Migrant Farm Worker or Itinerant Farm Hand. People usually leave me alone when I use one of these...

[Mottbomb]

My name is Luke Derringer.

I install and maintain lightning rods on buildings, I've been stuck twice.

[Spinner]

SOTB, You could be like the "Area Man" on The Onion.
"Local Area Man becomes first UBF to complete Pacific swim chasing Trident Sub...news at 11."

Better yet, Dept. Head Rawlings. This one was always good for a laugh.

http://www.theonion.com/content/columnists/view/rawlings

Dept. Head Rawlings

Department Head Rawlings joined the Bureau as a field operative in 1979, transferred to the Agency in 1984, and has worked in liaison with the Coalition since 1992, when he took over for Assistant Director Roberts and supervised deniable international operations and crisis response. He has written extensively on tactical-deployment theory and specialized personnel application for The Onion since 1999. Due to the Federal Denial Of Access To Information Act of 2001, no further details concerning Department Head Rawlings are available.

[8Ball]

John Holmes went both ways... so that's all you, brothers.:biggrin:

Hahaha



Nevermind...
I need a shower.:biggrin:

[Abu Khalil]

Nevermind...
I need a shower.:biggrin:

...used to ask Psych's & JAG's, who shared an office, if there was anything illegal, immoral, or un-ethical about installing cameras to watch myself nekkid, in my own shower.

Just asked me to leave, quietly, without sudden moves.......for decades.

[Johan]

For Pilot - Gravity Defiance Engineer. It is rarely used however. Pilot are not quiet professional when it comes to girls. We are complete glory seeking whore, and Fighter Pilot is in these situations a type of super-whore. Because flying is most (only) honest work and achievement in our life, it is all we have to speak of. If flying were not to be glorified, I would be forced to say "I am good on downhill ski and I am an excellent drunk."

One of the best I have heard and seen- the delivery was deadly serious and very smooth. It is on night in San Diego, we are guest of some Naval Aviator and there are some SEAL that join us. One of the SEAL tells the college student girls that he is a 'Dolphin Doctor'. He goes into great detail- giving image of him cradling sick dolphin in his arms, he is in the water all night with the dolphin, and is still very cold with chills from this. True to their blood, his SEAL comrade support this cover for action perfectly. The results were amazing, and equally amazing was his ability to speak of all of this without even a grinning face. That night was some year ago, and most of the night is lost from memory cell of brain evading very large dose of alcohol, but I can see him and hear his grave descriptions of treating sick dolphin like it was last night. I have a big smile just thinking of it while I type.

Regards,

[random]

Ever come across a push up braof one with inserts?

how about this one?

http://www.youtube.com/user/jui9661

There WAS a thread- don't know what happened to it...

This is much less alarming. I was thinking quantity as in variations of two.

[SOTB]

Ever come across a push up braof one with inserts?

how about this one?

http://www.youtube.com/user/jui9661

There WAS a thread- don't know what happened to it...Well, it got resurrected in THIS THREAD (http://www.socnet.com/showthread.php?p=1241651&highlight=commercial#post1241651) -- post # 8. But I don't know where it was before that one....

[MoonDog]

Holy Crap!

Just read the thread and snorted Whiskey sour all over keyboard while LMAO.

Nobody talks shit like youse guys.

[tip001]

For Pilot - Gravity Defiance Engineer. It is rarely used however. Pilot are not quiet professional when it comes to girls. We are complete glory seeking whore, and Fighter Pilot is in these situations a type of super-whore. Because flying is most (only) honest work and achievement in our life, it is all we have to speak of. If flying were not to be glorified, I would be forced to say "I am good on downhill ski and I am an excellent drunk."

LMAO True, alteast for some of the pilots I know

One of the best I have heard and seen- the delivery was deadly serious and very smooth. It is on night in San Diego, we are guest of some Naval Aviator and there are some SEAL that join us. One of the SEAL tells the college student girls that he is a 'Dolphin Doctor'. He goes into great detail- giving image of him cradling sick dolphin in his arms, he is in the water all night with the dolphin, and is still very cold with chills from this. True to their blood, his SEAL comrade support this cover for action perfectly. The results were amazing, and equally amazing was his ability to speak of all of this without even a grinning face. That night was some year ago, and most of the night is lost from memory cell of brain evading very large dose of alcohol, but I can see him and hear his grave descriptions of treating sick dolphin like it was last night. I have a big smile just thinking of it while I type.

Regards,

One of the funniest stories I've read on this site.

[Justaclerk]

Yes.

Lots of people talk shit about how hard or tough their gig is, but there is NOTHING like having to fin your ass off chasing down a submerged sub, dragging two 5ga cans of diesel behind you.

UBF -- hard MF'ers....

With the requisite donkey dicks under each armpit I assume.

[8Ball]

...used to ask Psych's & JAG's, who shared an office, if there was anything illegal, immoral, or un-ethical about installing cameras to watch myself nekkid, in my own shower.

Just asked me to leave, quietly, without sudden moves.......for decades.

I, uh...
don't really know what to say to that...
Seeing how Grappler turned this into a Homo thing, all of the fun has been taken from me.

:biggrin:




Disclaimer: I am in no way faulting those who live under an "alternitive lifestyle". Even though I feel it is wrong for two Roosters. There can be as many Hens as possible together but only one Rooster. That is Man Law #1.

[RGR.Montcalm]

Well, it got resurrected in THIS THREAD (http://www.socnet.com/showthread.php?p=1241651&highlight=commercial#post1241651) -- post # 8. But I don't know where it was before that one....

That's the one!!:biggrin:

[random]

I am morbidly fascinated by this commercial. I'm waiting for the moment she bumps into something and inflates them too much. :eek:



I thought Man Law #1 was never stop and ask for directions.

[xxlranger]

My short answer is "I'm in Ride Management".

If pressed, I explain that I run the Tilt-a-Whirl in a traveling carnival.

[FinsUp]

When asked, I usually say that I haul trash for the city.

[MeatLasagna]

My short answer is "I'm in Ride Management".

If pressed, I explain that I run the Tilt-a-Whirl in a traveling carnival.

I was sure the word "mustache" was coming...

[RGR.Montcalm]

I was sure the word "mustache" was coming...

Oh no- those are a nickel...:biggrin:

Now SOTB could honestly say that he's from the Bureau of Weights and Standards- you don't qualify if you're overweight or pass the 'pinky' standard...

[KidA]

With the requisite donkey dicks under each armpit I assume.

It's SOTB. You don't -want- to know where he carries them.

[billdawg]

It's SOTB. You don't -want- to know where he carries them.

I wondered when that was coming,:biggrin:

[JAFO]

For Pilot - Gravity Defiance Engineer
I thought pilots were known as "Flight Stick Actuators"

[SOTB]

It's SOTB. You don't -want- to know where he carries them.I wasn't UBF, I wasn't hard enough. So no ideas on my part, as to the particulars of gear stowage.

However, I do know enough not to make any outlandish claims of anything associated with a "dick" around Army types -- they might reach over and try to undo my trousers to verify....

[KidA]

However, I do know enough not to make any outlandish claims of anything associated with a "dick" around Army types -- they might reach over and try to undo my trousers to verify....


hahahaha. Only Sergeants Major...in Korea.

[RGR.Montcalm]

hahahaha. Only Sergeants Major...in Korea.

Glad you clarified that...;):biggrin:

[Justaclerk]

I thought pilots were known as "Flight Stick Actuators"

....also Knights of the Magenta Line.

[Papa Smurf]

I thought pilots were known as "Flight Stick Actuators"

We had a number of names for our pilots... But, the best one was for the F18 drivers. The Navy designated their birds F/A 18 (dual role fighter / attack) - we just called them FAG's - Fighter Attack Guys... :biggrin:

[JAFO]

In our line of work, we refered to them as "potential customers", or "possible N.A.M."
"You Fall, We Haul..."


"So Others May Live"

[TowGunner]

3. Professional nude photographer (no way to not prove this one).

I just recently took up this profession (part time). The best thing to do is tell them that you are an aspiring photographer looking for models to TFP (Time for Prints). Most aspiring models are looking to make the portfolio.... so they are ALWAYS willing to get naked for photos :)

In real life... my job is just boring enough to tell them the truth... Enterprise Mission Assurance Specialist for the DOD....

[Spinner]

I rarely go out anymore, and I think the reason is, subconciously, I realize how many idiots are out there.

And yet, there I was last night, same watering hole as last week. I wanted to catch a couple of games, but probably should have cut out a little earlier. Instead, I met a real winner.

This time I wasn't wearing an Army sweatshirt or anything else that would have indicated I had been in the service, yet somehow this guy, a semi regular by the looks of it, steered the conversation toward his "service", which initially he said was being in Iraq from 1991-98, which of course got my attention.

I asked what branch, and when he said Navy I asked what he did. He wasted no time in saying "Special Forces", and so I decided to go along and asked him if he was a SEAL, at which point he went over the top and assigned himself to ST 3.

In general, I realize it was just bar talk BS, but when I expressed my doubts about his SEAL status, he got all huffy, pulled out a coin, slammed it on the bar and challenged me.

So I pick up the coin to examine it, and all it was was a standard Department of the Navy coin, more ornate with the colored enamel but nothing special, no pun intended. And so I told him the coin meant nothing as far as any SEAL affiliation, and that he was simply blowing smoke.

Long story short, he blew his top and tried to turn it around on me by asking me what my MOS was, assuming that I had been in the Navy, but of course he never even asked me what branch I had served in. I told him, and also tossed in my favorite line "with Arabic language qualification", and now I'm being told I was full of shit. :rolleyes:

I tossed out a little Arabic at him, and then took the liberty of translating it into English: Eat shit and die. :biggrin:

He wasn't a small guy by any means, and he was cultivating a scary, tough guy look with the shaved head, goatee and the rest, but it was nothing but noise. Like last week, I just walked away and ignored him. But I was still pretty steamed.

I didn't even bother with the whole Q&A about class # and all. I mean, I can't imagine any SEAL ever saying he was in SF.

Unreal, and the funny part is, if you were to put me and this prick next to each other, and have a random sampling of people choose which one of us was more likely to have even served in the military, most of them would point to the other guy. He's definitely cultivating that hard edged, hard assed look. I'll bet he has a lot of people fooled, but in the end, I'm glad I stood up to him and told him off.

Maybe some of the goofs have established a colony around here. I know it always comes off sounding like a cliche, but for every authentic SEAL, Ranger, SF soldier, etc., there must be at least 20 or 30 people out there claiming that status for themselves.

And if anybody from SEAL Team 3 is in the greater Chicago metropolitan area, let me know and I'll give you directions to the joint. You can drop in and say hello to your old "teammate". He's there most Saturday nights, I'm hearing, and pretty easy to spot.

[SOTB]

He wasn't a small guy by any means, and he was cultivating a scary, tough guy look with the shaved head, goatee and the rest....and the funny part is, if you were to put me and this prick next to each other, and have a random sampling of people choose which one of us was more likely to have even served in the military, most of them would point to the other guy. He's definitely cultivating that hard edged, hard assed look....IMO, and it is just an opinion, good on you. That shaved-head and goatee look always makes me laugh. I'm sure there are some guys who chose it for reasons other than the following -- but I've always thought there were more than a few who were looking for that De Niro look from Heat.

You can't really do anything about being in shape, carrying yourself erect vice slouched, looking like you have an idea about SA, or even a tat that kinda spells out where you've been -- but to "project" yourself as a badass -- hahahahahahaha -- whatever.

I've met more than a few dudes (and dudettes) from this board in a pretty wide spectrum of places. Only 1-2 of them had that "grrrr" look to them. Most people -- REAL people -- chill and enjoy what is going on around them. Posers seem to only be able to replicate what they've seen on the big or little screen, or what they've perused on Milphotos.commie....

[bmbsqd]

...and he was cultivating a scary, tough guy look with the shaved head, goatee and the rest, but it was nothing but noise.


When i first got to Iraq I thought "what the fuck" when I saw all these shaved, goateed guys. But after about a month in the desert heat, and no running water for the first 3 months, I learned that having a shaved head was a good sanitary idea. You also felt much better by just pouring cold water over a bald head rather than one with hair, which would just wind up being a dirty, wet head. We had 2 litres of water issued a day for bathing, and a head of hair made that go much quicker, even though we were required to maintain mil hairstyles.

Now it just seems easier to maintain it that way instead of growing it out.

But I see the trend spreading in to general society now, too. Just like bottled water became cool after Kuwait in the 90's.

As for the goatee....my wife tells me that if I want her to keep long, sexy blond hair...I will keep the goatee. Not sure what the plan is once she gets to that age where long hair is weird on a woman (I'm thinking 60?). :cool:

All that being said, I still think it makes me look like a badass!!!! :eek:

[Justaclerk]

One element I've noticed while reading the comments here and elsewhere is that "badass" posers usually volunteer their badassedness without being asked.

True story, I was standing in an airport security line halfway around the world holding a copy of "Horse Soldiers" (http://www.amazon.com/Horse-Soldiers-Extraordinary-Victory-Afghanistan/dp/1416580514) when some goof behind me gives me a hardass stare and asked, "Are you with SF," in a hard edged, confrontational way. I answered, "No. I'm reading a book," and left it at that. I wonder if he was trying to goad me in some fashion, but I haven't thought about it until reading this thread.

[Spinner]

I agree, in the field that's the way to go. And even in the civilian world, I don't have any real problem with somebody's choices when it comes to appearance or grooming. Whatever they feel most comfortable with.

But in this instance, it was all those things added together, mixed with the guy's general attitude, that projected that "look at me, I'm such a bad ass" persona.

I almost started laughing when he slammed the coin, though. Maybe I should have made up a secret SEAL Team 3 handshake/greeting on the spot, and challenged him to show it to me. :biggrin:

Edit: It started to get ugly, in terms of the genuine implication that he was prepared to get "violent", but I'm always more concerned with the guy that gets real quiet than the guy that starts jawing loudly.

I don't really have a dog in the fight, as far as this guy's BS claim, but at the same time I felt it necessary to confront him on the spot, considering the claim that he spent 7 years in Iraq.

I only wish that there had been a local reunion of real ST 3 guys there that night, and this guy just had the misfortune to blunder into it. Oh, well. At least he knows one person out there thinks he's full of shit.

[MakoZeroSix]

IMO, and it is just an opinion, good on you. That shaved-head and goatee look always makes me laugh. I'm sure there are some guys who chose it for reasons other than the following -- but I've always thought there were more than a few who were looking for that De Niro look from Heat.


It always seems to me like guys who act all belligerent and shit for no reason have a bald head and a goatee, or one of those ridiculous fag patches of hair.

[8Ball]

Hey! I have a shaved head. I shave it everyday in the shower along with my ugly mug. Not trying to look bad ass (although I clearly am:tongue:). I just was unfortunate enough to inherit the "ring-o-round-the-head" bald gene. So for me, its all about finishing the job Mother Nature started. Not too look "Bad Ass". What pisses me off is my Brother, who is an 18D and sports the prerequisite S.F. "thick, curly locks". Fucker.:mad:

[Hot Mess]

IMO, and it is just an opinion, good on you. That shaved-head and goatee look always makes me laugh. I'm sure there are some guys who chose it for reasons other than the following -- but I've always thought there were more than a few who were looking for that De Niro look from Heat.

He didn't have a shaved head in that movie;)

I shave my head now due to hair loss brought on by what I refer to as "combat stress":biggrin: But I don't grow a goatee on purpose just because it seems like every "hard ass":rolleyes: has one.

[FinsUp]

I am bald as a mofo. Only because I started losing the rest of it and it's just easier to shave my head in the shower when I am shaving the hair off my handsome face. I do not consider myself a badass by any means.:biggrin:

[Max Power]

Hey! I have a shaved head. I shave it everyday in the shower along with my ugly mug. Not trying to look bad ass (although I clearly am:tongue:). I just was unfortunate enough to inherit the "ring-o-round-the-head" bald gene. So for me, its all about finishing the job Mother Nature started. Not too look "Bad Ass". What pisses me off is my Brother, who is an 18D and sports the prerequisite S.F. "thick, curly locks". Fucker.:mad:

I'm getting close to that point myself. Only problem is that I look retarded with a shaved head...

[8Ball]

I'm getting close to that point myself. Only problem is that I look retarded with a shaved head...

I'll probably never be confused with a Greek God. So, I see it as the lesser of two evils! So, quit worrying about it and put that Bic to it.:biggrin:

But, there are people out there with misshaped melons. Not you, of course:tongue:.

[John6719]

I started shaving my head before NTC. When I realized how much of a badass I looked like, I stopped. I didn't want to scare people because of my badassness. Unfortunately, I still can't grow much of a goatee so I was unable to achieve my true top level of badassness.

I have a feeling I will again start shaving my head when it comes time to be "full-time," I hate haircuts, all those nasty, itchy hair clippings all over.... That and I really need to look like a badass since I don't have one of those badass jobs. This way all the girls will think that I must be a hotshot and will crawl all over me.

In all seriousness, it is so much easier to bic it every day or every other day in the shower. No mess and it just feels cool! Too bad we still don't wear the old Kevlars, instead of the circle "Kevlar hair," I could have a big circle Kevlar scalp! Too Cool!

[Copecwby20]

I tried the shaved head thing in boot camp, didn't really work for me as I have an odd shaped dome. I have rocked the high and stupid though, cause everyone knows the ladies around San Diego just LOVE that look :rolleyes:

[Max Power]

I'll probably never be confused with a Greek God. So, I see it as the lesser of two evils! So, quit worrying about it and put that Bic to it.:biggrin:

But, there are people out there with misshaped melons. Not you, of course:tongue:.

Nope, not me. Calling it misshaped would be a compliment :eek:

To quote the lady at CIF when I was getting my initial issue - "Ain't no way you wear a 7 3/8"... Well I'll be damned... Wait, turn around... Oh, that's why you need a 7 3/8"..." LMAO

[valhallabound]

I am bald as a mofo. Only because I started losing the rest of it and it's just easier to shave my head in the shower when I am shaving the hair off my handsome face. I do not consider myself a badass by any means.:biggrin:

That's because its hard to be a badass when pedalling around on your bicycle :biggrin:

[billdawg]

I but at the same time I felt it necessary to confront him on the spot, considering the claim that he spent 7 years in Iraq.

.

Yeah, well I know a guy who did 35 years in Iraq..oh wait a minute it was one of our interpretors,lol.

[billdawg]

Hey! I have a shaved head. I shave it everyday in the shower along with my ugly mug. Not trying to look bad ass (although I clearly am:tongue:). I just was unfortunate enough to inherit the "ring-o-round-the-head" bald gene. So for me, its all about finishing the job Mother Nature started. Not too look "Bad Ass". What pisses me off is my Brother, who is an 18D and sports the prerequisite S.F. "thick, curly locks". Fucker.:mad:


LOL, I'm with you. I am not bald or even balding yet, but at the first sign, it's all coming off. No way in hell, I'm having a birds nest or some weird comb over.:biggrin:

[NWPTrainer]

Ya know, I still rock a high and tight. My ex-wife liked it (obviously not enough though:biggrin:), and every girl I've ever dated has liked it. Granted, I make it a point to not hang out around GI towns, but......I think it has more to do with only getting involved with women from rural backgrounds. They appreciate a clean cut look.

[Bravo_One_Three]

"It's funny you should mention drop bears, or "Ursus Stillatim". I've just returned from six months in the outback counting them for the World Wildlife Fund. We're trying to prevent them from slipping from vulnerable to endangered. Urban sprawl and habitat encroachment have impacted them hugely in the last fifteen years, and their long gestation period means they're not very resilient as a species. Drop Bears can't ask for help... if we don't speak for them, who will?"

I am speechless. Consider this so fucking stolen...

[Old_Starlight]

I am speechless. Consider this so fucking stolen...

LOL.....you wait 'til we tell you about the toggle bird :biggrin:

[DurkaSixTwo]

LOL.....you wait 'til we tell you about the toggle bird :biggrin:

I prefer the Hoop Snake O/S!

[Spinner]

I've reached that point where I'll probably shave it off too. I'm holding out until I turn 50 about a year from now, to go along with my AARP card.

I started shaving my head before NTC. When I realized how much of a badass I looked like, I stopped. I didn't want to scare people because of my badassness. Unfortunately, I still can't grow much of a goatee so I was unable to achieve my true top level of badassness.

Maybe there should be a certification process, in which you have to check a few boxes and pass a few tests for badass certification, at which point you receive a certificate suitable for framing, a laminated I.D. card, and special dispensation to project shaved head badassness wherever you go. :biggrin:

I'll make it simple on myself and simply check off the box that indicates I want the non-badass I.D.

[8Ball]

I don't need no stinking card. I am a Bad Ass. Sharky said so...

[Titleist]

I prefer the Hoop Snake O/S!

You mean there is no "hoopsnake?" As soon as I find it, I'll post a fight between a hoopsnake and a jackalope. Stay tuned....:biggrin:

[Old_Starlight]

You mean there is no "hoopsnake?" As soon as I find it, I'll post a fight between a hoopsnake and a jackalope. Stay tuned....:biggrin:

Of corse there are Hoop Snakes....one of the deadliest in Oz and even more so because of the speed and aggression they can display. Bad ju ju on an Island/Continent of things with bad ju ju .......but Toggle Birds.....they are evil :eek:

[KidA]

Only 1-2 of them had that "grrrr" look to them.

You're talking about me, right?

I had a goatee once - when I was shaving 5 months of beard off and wanted to see what it looked like. Yep. Gay.

[SOTB]

You're talking about me, right?Dude, I never got past your bandanna and leather jacket -- let alone notice if you had a goatee. You exuded badass before your Yamaha ever reached our street....:biggrin:

[KidA]

Dude, I never got past your bandanna and leather jacket -- let alone notice if you had a goatee. You exuded badass before your Yamaha ever reached our street....:biggrin:

I swear to god I did not have a faggy bandana. Harley Davidson USA bought them all up and stamped HD logos on them anyway for all you dentists and accountants.

I have, however, been sporting a long silk aviator's scarf and leather flight helmet on short jaunts around town. So much warmer that a damned fullface.

[Dark Helmet]

"Ain't no way you wear a 7 3/8"... Well I'll be damned... Wait, turn around... Oh, that's why you need a 7 3/8"..." LMAO

It's all pretty funny until that first number is an 8.

Yes, I was the kid in high school with the off-color helmet....because it had to be special-ordered.

I have a huge melon.

[8Ball]

It's all pretty funny until that first number is an 8.

Yes, I was the kid in high school with the off-color helmet....because it had to be special-ordered.

I have a huge melon.

Mine is too. Don't feel bad. I think they had to shave an entire Alpaca for my beret.

BTW, it is fitting because of the likeness of your avatar.:biggrin:

[Hopeless Civilian]

I have a huge melon.

Big head = Big brain! Just sayin! :biggrin:

[NWPTrainer]

Big head = Big condom!! Just sayin! :biggrin:


Uhm, not any of my business, but are discussing the size of another man's penis? Cause, well, that's what it looks like.....:biggrin:

































Sorry, it just jumped out at me as a perfect set-up.