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  #1  
Old 7 January 2018, 08:46
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B 2/75 B 2/75 is offline
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Mean Tricks You've Played

So last year I've got the whole gang in the Family Truckster, headed to Charlotte to see Bob Weir's Dead & Co.

Jamming down the highway for a half hour or so, we were following a hearse, which suddenly to my horror, stopped dead in front of us. My fault, I rear ended him. My son had to help transfer the casket from the hearse I hit over to the replacement hearse that showed up a few minutes later.

So I called my father as usual on Sunday evening, and he asked how things were going. You know, the normal kinda question you'd have with good ol' Dad.

"Well, Dad, I got into an automobile accident the other day, and there was a fatality."

"Oh my God, why didn't you let me know? Who was it?"

"Dad, it's OK... I hit a hearse, and the fatality was already dead, in the casket, headed to the cemetery."

"You're a bad son."
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Old 7 January 2018, 09:27
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I like this topic...

We had a supervisor we didn't like much. One night we cracked open a can of tuna, and hid it in a strategic location up under his desk. It was a stinky couple weeks until he was able to locate that can.
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Finally, I believe that punishing lawful gun owners by creating new, more onerous laws, and restricting Constitutionally guaranteed rights, when we already don't enforce the tens of thousands of gun laws we have on the books, is like beating your dog because the neighbor's dog shit in your yard.
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Old 7 January 2018, 09:36
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Gave out fake winning scratch tickets once.
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Old 7 January 2018, 10:23
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Vaseline under the wipers of a fellow officer that was, let's just say, a jerk. It was pouring out.
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Old 7 January 2018, 10:38
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Super gluing EVERYTHING on a CPO's desk.
I short sheeted my Platoon Sgt one time.
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  #6  
Old 7 January 2018, 10:59
Fu King Lawyer Fu King Lawyer is offline
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I was instructing at FLETC. Had a class of 48 ICE agents. Management grabbed me ahead of the class and introduced three accreditation folks from DHS who were there to observe the class. They were appropriately attired.

So the ICE agent trainees come in and get seated, glancing at the three in the back. I begin by saying officials from Office of Professional Responsibility are in the back. There seems to be an issue with some background investigations that weren't properly done. So, if you get tapped on the shoulder, quietly pick up your belongings and leave the room. Their eyes got big as silver dollars, they sat back straight and nobody moved during the entire block of instruction.
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Old 7 January 2018, 11:41
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Justaclerk Justaclerk is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Fu King Lawyer View Post
So the ICE agent trainees come in and get seated, glancing at the three in the back. I begin by saying officials from Office of Professional Responsibility are in the back. There seems to be an issue with some background investigations that weren't properly done. So, if you get tapped on the shoulder, quietly pick up your belongings and leave the room. Their eyes got big as silver dollars, they sat back straight and nobody moved during the entire block of instruction.
That must have got their jaded attention for the remainder of the course. Well played, sir.
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Old 7 January 2018, 11:41
shady1 shady1 is offline
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It was quite sometime ago but I have never forgotten it. I bet no one else has either.
One Halloweeen eve. I made a double ended noose and attached one end to the inner swinging kitchen door of a crotchety old couple that had a penchant for calling the police on us for doing just about anything teenagers do. And the other end around the legs of a fairly hefty Rhode Island red rooster.
Well.........We rang the doorbell and when I saw them coming to answer through the window, with one swipe of my trusty Buck 110 folder I clearly sliced off the fowls head. As we ran off into the shrubs, screams and yells were heard that will not be forgotten. I can imagine that headless bird flying for all of 3 ft. In every possible direction spewing blood about the kitchen.
No doubt is was frightening. Thinking back I'm lucky they didn't have a heart attack. Oh yeah . They called the police
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  #9  
Old 7 January 2018, 11:42
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Justaclerk View Post
That must have got their jaded attention for the remainder of the course. Well played, sir.
Certainly didn't have to worry about them falling asleep in class or giving their undivided attention during the course of instruction.
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Old 7 January 2018, 11:43
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Had a PSG that was very anal about where items were placed on his desk. This was almost severe OCD level...Damn near every night after he left work, one of squad leaders would move every object around. My favorite thing to do was move every object to the opposite side of the desk of where he placed it, and then face it away from him.

For what is worth, he was a great PSG and a great sport about it. He got us back in spades. Infantry Platoon hijinks at its best. His favorite thing for me was 1) have a pvt come get me under the pretense of having my ex wife in the phone 2) having a radom woman call me when I was on CQ and just shit. That one took me forever to figure out who did it.
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Old 7 January 2018, 11:46
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Nice topic.

I was preparing a training problem for an explosive detector dog team as a very young NCO late one evening in a motor pool area while deployed. As I was about to plant my last training aid, a humvee pulled up. In it, a Major, who was apparently giving a Tour to his Commanding Officer, a Colonel. The Major asked me you’re not from here. What are you doing? My back was to them, so I smiled to myself, turned around, held up a stick of C4 and said I’m inspecting your area, and I just found this under one of your vehicles....

...the look of shock was priceless.

An instant later, I told them I was kidding, and that I was training a dog team. “Sergeant, you damn near gave me a heart attack”, the Colonel’s reply.

Thank goodness they had a good sense of humor.
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  #12  
Old 7 January 2018, 11:52
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"Wild-Chicken" training area, 1980. Use an e-tool to dig out some access to the side of the 6 holer, then drop a branch with commo wire attached, split and insulation removed for about 6 inches, then wrapped around a notch in the wood a foot apart down into the pit. Run it back to the nearest bushes. Hide there with TA-312. Wait for victim to enter, listen for sound of water hitting the pool. Crank TA-312. Before the sound of the scream dies, detach our end from the 312, leaving wire and branch behind and circling back to the bivouac area to be there before the victim returns, wanting to know who in the platoon is not present or recently returned. 312 placed seconds earlier under the cot of someone not present to lay false trail of blame.

We found out later that his wife had told another wife he couldn't get it up for a couple weeks after we all got back to West Berlin.

Most other pranks involved simulators and smoke grenades with those CS tablets used for gas chamber exercises inserted since actual CS grenades had been nixed for issue after somebody tossed one at the bus stop across from the company area from 4 stories up.

As anyone will tell you, it was a different Army back then.
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  #13  
Old 7 January 2018, 12:17
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Back when I was rodeoing I found a used pair of panties in a bathroom at a fairgrounds. I took them and got a barrel racer to write a note about what a huge fan she was and wanted to hook up after “his” (written generically) ride etc. I had looked up the phone number for a local gay bar and had her put that down as hers. I tied the panties and note to the handle of another guy’s bull rope and waited. He eventually finds said note while getting ready and got super excited about the prospect of a buckle bunny, and proceeded to take a huge whiff of the bathroom panties. After he rode he called the number and got really confused....
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Old 7 January 2018, 12:29
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Just remembered one that was played on me. Italy 2000, it was after payday activities so I was in my greens. I went to the pay cage to cash a check. The cashier knew me as I did this almost every payday. I write the check, hand over my ID, and the cashier states” I’m sorry SFC Roxxxx, it states you have been banned from cashing checks and I am instructed to confiscate your check book. The area was full of dependents and riff raft like me. I think I blacked out and threatened the cashier. Then their comes the tap on my shoulder and he states “Excuse me SFC Roxxxxx, I’m here to confiscate your check book”. Right then and there I knew I was being played by my friend who managed the pay cage( or how ever they word it in finance ) . The cashier looked relieved but had a pained expression on his face. We had a great laugh over drinks later that weekend. Matter of fact, I owe that finace fuckwad payback :)
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  #15  
Old 7 January 2018, 12:34
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bobofthedesert View Post

. . . S N I P . . .

As anyone will tell you, it was a different Army back then.

CS grenade with lot numbers carefully scraped off placed in the back stairwell of a company of the leg BN (Bar None was their motto, don't remember the numerical designation, maybe 2/39?) a few doors down from BN area. Their back stairwell exit door was chained closed, as the only entrance to the building was to be past the CQ desk (a rather large fire marshal violation by today's standards) but you could open the doors a few inches... plenty enough to insert a big square of cardboard,
(didn't want to actually ruin their floor) pop a CS grenade, an set it in the back stairway, balanced on the fuze end with the sparks and smoke spewing upward outta the base. This was done at about 0300 on a payday weekend.

We watched the fun from a BN away through binos... you could see the smoke rising in the stairwell through the windows, and each floor in turn would have folks opening windows and hanging out, some puking, all shitting bricks. General havoc and confusion reigned. MPs came.

Nothing ever came down on anybody in BN. Great fun at the time, as it was Fuck those Leg MF'ers. Looking back I guess it was a fairly mean trick to play on some hapless legs.
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Old 7 January 2018, 12:43
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Further attacks on the same unit, many months later: somebody got a wrist rocket slingshot, which was at the time was considered some pretty hot Gucci gear. One of the guys had a muzzle loader, and so had a supply of .45 cal balls in his wall locker.

Maximum ordinate of a lead ball launched at full draw of a wrist rocket is pretty high; we shot from inside our room, through the "slightly" opened window, and OVER the end of one adjoining building and had plunging fire down onto the next building. 1st round smacked just outside some leg's window on the 3rd floor. He heard the sound, and opened the window to look around. The next shot took out both of his window panes (one slid behind the other) right next to his face.

Hilarity ensued withing our barracks.
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Old 7 January 2018, 12:55
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I was surf fishing in NC with my uncle and the way the tide was running when I waded out I felt his line that had drifted down the beach. So for the next hour and half every time I waded out to cast when I felt his line I would reach down and hammer it like a big bite and some times even hang on for a couple seconds. Eventually my whole extended family was out watching and laughing as these monster fish would give a bite then disappear. In hindsight I suppose I'm lucky I didn't end up with a handful of hooks but is was worth it.
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Old 7 January 2018, 13:20
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Had a young, female ROTC cadet come to our company for her 2 week summer stint shortly after I arrived at Ft. Stewart, which also coincided with a change of command for battalion.

She was assigned to accompany our C.I. section for the most part, so I really didn't get to know her that well. Seemed nice enough, but I still couldn't resist coming up to her after the change of command ceremony, while the division CO and other dignitaries were still gathered around, and inform her that it was her duty to go up to them all and tell them it was time to clear the field.

For a moment it looked like she was about to take the bait, but then thought better of it when we all started laughing a couple of seconds later.

I was also a master of spreading rumors aboard our transport ship enroute to Saudi Arabia. Everything from being shadowed by specially trained dolphin escorts that were constantly swimming alongside to having probably half the ship thinking we were going to have to fight our way off the vessel upon our arrival in Khobar.

Good times.
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Old 7 January 2018, 13:21
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Quote:
Originally Posted by grog18b View Post
I like this topic...

We had a supervisor we didn't like much. One night we cracked open a can of tuna, and hid it in a strategic location up under his desk. It was a stinky couple weeks until he was able to locate that can.
My buddy caught his longtime girlfriend cheating behind his back (common theme in Alaska, where it's 10guys/girl and women get pretty mercenary) and instead of getting emotional, he poured a couple cans of blended tuna-and-limburger cheese into the outside heater/vent intake of her car. Then, he put extra-effort into banging her hard for a few more months so she'd be to tired to cheat, before kicking her to the curb.

One of the nicest guys I ever knew.

...

Last edited by Tycon; 7 January 2018 at 13:27.
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Old 7 January 2018, 13:28
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Originally Posted by B 2/75 View Post
SNIpped for brevity...
Hilarity ensued withing our barracks.

I can only imagine trying to explain that to a NCO. “Honestly, it was broken from the outside” . NCO” bull shit you fuckers for drunk and fucked up the window”
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