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  #121  
Old 11 January 2018, 16:16
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Gray Rhyno Gray Rhyno is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Medic4070 View Post
he would use a bubble level on all of his crap on the wall.
Nice to know I'm not the only one...
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  #122  
Old 11 January 2018, 16:22
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billdawg billdawg is offline
Going cyclic!!
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tycon View Post
Chilkoot Charlie's (shameless Alaska plug) or whatever strip bar.

...
I've been to the Alaskan Bush Company, lol
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  #123  
Old 11 January 2018, 17:21
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PV74RU78 PV74RU78 is offline
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Back in the late '70s, as a bright-eyed 2LT, I had a civilian team chief with whom we used to trade practical jokes. I once took a whole collection box of the little punch-outs from IBM punch cards (like chad), and on a rainy day, filled up his umbrella with them. Watched thru the window as he walked out side, opened up the umbrella, and had them all dumped on his head. He turned to the window, flipped me off. Not as bad as me putting 4 dead goldfish in his coffee thermos, though. Scared the crap out of his wife when she opened it up that night.
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  #124  
Old 11 January 2018, 17:30
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Tycon Tycon is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by billdawg View Post
I've been to the Alaskan Bush Company, lol
Another classic! I think Papa Joe's was the all-time skankiest. Good times.

We used to set young friends up with table dances with Pillow (female bodybuilder), who often likely had more (injected) testosterone than they did. The ultimate practical joke on a young troop.

WARNING: NSFW, and cannot be "un-seen"...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uXF7YEze5GI

...

Last edited by Tycon; 11 January 2018 at 17:47.
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  #125  
Old 11 January 2018, 18:33
wildman43 wildman43 is offline
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Thumbs up

This brings memories of what we did to a New LT. This Bar at a nice Hotel , there was this cross dresser that would come in to Hotel Bar, well some us NCO's an one other LT, from the company took up a collection, Took the New Lt to the Hotel, we all sat at the Bar, an prearranged for this individual
cross dresser guy to make a pass at the LT. It was hard not to out loud watching what was going on between them. After awhile the new LT put his hand between the cross dresser legs, Well the look on his face when he found, something different than he expended. The last time I saw him with his wife, I asked him if he had been to that Bar again? The look I got would kill. I stated have a good evening COL an left.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Tycon View Post
Another classic! I think Papa Joe's was the all-time skankiest. Good times.

We used to set young friends up with table dances with Pillow (female bodybuilder), who often likely had more (injected) testosterone than they did. The ultimate practical joke on a young troop.

WARNING: NSFW, and cannot be "un-seen"...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uXF7YEze5GI

...

Last edited by wildman43; 11 January 2018 at 18:37. Reason: wording
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  #126  
Old 11 January 2018, 21:38
bobmueller bobmueller is offline
Did...did I do that?
 
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Witnessed one. On the Basic Training road march, as we hit the "ambush," and the aggressors popped smoke and CS (to be treated as gas), my drill sergeant walking a couple of paces behind me started cursing up a blue streak.

One of the other drills had put tuna in his mask several days prior....
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  #127  
Old 11 January 2018, 23:11
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bobofthedesert bobofthedesert is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lefty View Post
Way back in the day at 6thSFG we had an old NCO medic who told us how he was annoyed at all the young trainees in his classes falling asleep. Got together with his other NCO instructors and arranged to have one of his friends sit in front with PFC rank insignia, plus laid on a team of "medics" to stand by at the sidelines.
He strode up to the lectern, pulled out a .38 revolver, and made a show of laying it on the lectern, stating "I don't wanna catch any of you SOBs falling asleep in my class!"
It didn't take long for some of the class to start droning. Snatching up the .38, he fired a blank at his pal in the front row who screamed, clutched his chest squirting a bag of ketchup, and fell over. The "medics" rushed over to lay the casualty on a stretcher and roar off in their borrowed ambulance.
Snarling "I TOLD you SOBs not to fall asleep!" he continued with the class.
He said the class probably didn't learn a thing, but they all sat up goggle eyed for the rest of his instruction.
Heard a variation on this one when I was at Benning in '78 for AIT.....

First or second day of a cycle.....trainee's from 3-4 different BCT posts, so it's not like everyone came there as a group....the Drill Sgt's had a ''ringer'' fall in for PT, then out on the run.....they cut down a 7.62 blank so it could be chambered in a 1911A1....the ringer keeps falling back, Drill Sgt. yells if he doesn't keep up they're going to zap him.....of course he doesn't, fall's out on the ground, DS "executes" him.....everyone is far enough away they can see this but not up close......couple of Drill's throw the corpse in a dumpster and the run continues....NO ONE falls out, or even lags.....

The problem was, one trainee called his parents and told them about this, parents call their Congressman......yeah...
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"And thus I clothe my naked villainy with old odd ends, stol'n forth of holy writ;
And seem a saint, when most I play the devil."
- Shakespeare, Richard III.

"All men dream, but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds wake in the day to find that it was vanity. But the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act their dreams with open eyes, to make it possible. This I did."
-T.E. Lawrence, "Seven Pillars of Wisdom".

Last edited by bobofthedesert; 11 January 2018 at 23:30.
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  #128  
Old 11 January 2018, 23:29
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bobofthedesert bobofthedesert is offline
RIP SOTB, Cass, Hognose
 
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Suicide Watch

USAREUR had a lot of drug problems in the early/mid 70's. Berlin Brigade, while standards were higher and people sent there were screened for the assignment was no different and from what I heard when I arrived there, even worse a year or two earlier. One poor guy had someone dose his can of soda with multiple hits of LSD. The guy became convinced he could fly and jumped out the 3rd floor window, which was actually 4th floor by our reckoning. Died of course, that and a few heroin OD's was the impetus for cleaning things up quite a bit by the time I got there. (Thank God)

"cruit's (short for recruit of course and BB slang for an FNG just arrived from AIT would be told they had "suicide watch" that night. Anyone on guard duty must have a weapon of course, but NFW the armorer is going to issue one out for this gag, never mind a mag with 5 live rounds, so a weapons card "M1A1 baseball bat" was typed up. Getting two radio's from the commo shack "for training" overnight was not a problem however.

A, B, and C Co. 3/6 Inf was a building like a "U". The person on "Suicide Watch'' was to march around the outside, then the inside of the "U", checking all windows of the squad bays and if anyone looked like they were going to jump, call it in to the CQ on the radio. Call sign's, all that. Full field uniform, parka, mickey's, steel pot. Marching along with a bat over their shoulder, calling in "nothing to report" every 15 min. The other radio is of course no where near the CQ, but upstairs with a half dozen or so guys sitting around drinking.

All was fun and games until the Sgt. Maj. came in one night around 2100 for God knows what reason, drives his POV past this guy trudging around the building full field uniform with a bat...and pulls over.

"Private, WTF are you doing".....and that was the end of that.
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RIP Stevie D. 1964-2012
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"Gone But Never Forgotten"

"And thus I clothe my naked villainy with old odd ends, stol'n forth of holy writ;
And seem a saint, when most I play the devil."
- Shakespeare, Richard III.

"All men dream, but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds wake in the day to find that it was vanity. But the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act their dreams with open eyes, to make it possible. This I did."
-T.E. Lawrence, "Seven Pillars of Wisdom".
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  #129  
Old 13 January 2018, 02:19
Maas Maas is offline
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My father was a PSG in an Airborne Ranger Company that fought in Korea. He retired as a E9. He had lost a big portion of his hearing to Chinese artillery rounds.

After years of us asking for him to get hearing aides from the VA. He relented and got them. Those huge ones that hung over the back of the ears.
I would start talking to him and then slowly decrease how loud I spoke or start cutting out the words while my mouth kept moving. Hed start tapping the back of the hearing aides or leave and change the battery.

Maas
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  #130  
Old 13 January 2018, 12:25
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Tycon Tycon is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Maas View Post
I would start talking to him and then slowly decrease how loud I spoke or start cutting out the words while my mouth kept moving. He’d start tapping the back of the hearing aides or leave and change the battery.

Maas
That's funny shit, right there!

In a similar story, both Dad and I lost hearing around years of working around aircraft (and loud Rock-n-Roll in my youth). So when I came to help him around 2001, he would have the TV so loud you could hear it from inside the car from the street.

Gradually, this got worse for us both...and even at full volume, we needed captions because the words were drowned out by the show's background noises. Then you'd try to mad-scramble to mute the damn over-amplified commercials in time. Then un-mute in time. Etc.

One of life's practical jokes.

He finally got hearing-aids and not only is the TV now to low for me to watch with him anymore (without captions for me)...he is constantly asking me "WTF are you yelling for?". Fuck it, lets go to the theater, and catch a good loud action-flick, Dad. I'm buying.

Life seems to play the best jokes of the bunch.

...

Last edited by Tycon; 13 January 2018 at 12:52.
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  #131  
Old 13 January 2018, 16:53
Paperpusher Paperpusher is offline
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When I was a kid (in the '50s), my mother would often get up from the dinner table and start putting a few things away to get ready to serve dessert. The half-gallon milk carton was almost always on the table, sometimes with almost nothing in it. I could put my hand on the carton and raise my elbow just enough before the carton lifted off the table before handing it to my mother, who would then just about pitch it over her head in anticipation of the weight. As I recall, my Dad took a very dim view of the humor.
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  #132  
Old 13 January 2018, 23:26
Floyd Floyd is offline
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Not me but my dog a couple of weeks ago
So I take Cash (my dog) to the dog park, he's chasing his ball doing his own thing, there's a couple there with their dog, anyway the guy throws a ball and it accidentally hits Cash in the head (it was rolling slow) no harm no foul, Cash just kinda looks at him like WTF dude, anyways Cash goes back to playing, little while later it's time to go, I holler at Cash, Cmon time to go, meanwhile the guy and his girl are sitting in a couple of chairs just watching their dog play, Cash walks up to the dude looks dead at him, turns and pisses on his leg and then comes to me to put his leash on to go, the guy was cool about it said it was payback for the ball that he threw earlier that hit Cash

I still laugh every time I think about it, yeah my dog is a bit of an asshole
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  #133  
Old 14 January 2018, 00:47
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Ferryman Ferryman is offline
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Lol. Made me think of this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g-uc5_QEmuM
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  #134  
Old 14 January 2018, 01:33
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gavin gavin is offline
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So, today I was getting off my shift at the Hawaii Emergency Management Agency, and I always look at the little red "PANIC" button on the console, to make sure the circuit is good...and today, I figured...ah, what the hell, and pushed it...




...and, no, I don't really work there...I've never been to Hawaii...
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  #135  
Old 14 January 2018, 13:00
Michael A. Michael A. is offline
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Once Upon A Time Carl, the name we will use for this story, was taking a flight from the DC area to Salt Lake City. Carl had just completed a flight from Europe and had already been awake about 20 hours at the time of boarding for the Salt Lake City leg of his journey. Since Carl was a ‘Frequent Flyer’ he was granted ‘early boarding privileged’ and was able to get his kit stowed and settle into his window seat prior to the arrival of the masses for a full flight. Early on in the boarding process for the remaining passengers Carl notices a man, for the purposes of this story will be known as ‘The Yuppie.’ The Yuppie was a stylishly dressed metrosexual sporting the latest Gucci gear and obviously thought very highly of himself. Carl also notes The Yuppie is stuffing various components of his Gucci gear in the overhead storage compartments as he proceeds down the aisle thus jacking up the available overhead storage for the passengers that actual sit under his stuff.

As the gods of air travel would have it, The Yuppie stops at Carl’s row and drops his newspaper into the seat next to Carl. Nest The Yuppie takes off his suite coat and folds it very neatly for storage in the overhead bin. While holding his neatly folded coat in his left hand The Yuppie uses his right hand to shove Carl’s gear towards the rear of the storage bin in order to make room for his coat all by itself. Next The Yuppie closes the storage bin door indicating to all the other passengers that it is full and takes the seat next to Carl. As Carl ponders his good fortune of having such a courteous travel companion The Yuppie unfolds his newspaper and with his right elbow pops Carl’s arm off of the arm rest thus taking the entire arm rest for himself. A ‘slow burn’ creeps over Carl as he considers how to best spend the next few hours with his new traveling companion. Carl can envision no scenario that has a good outcome and this only adds to his angst.

All of the remaining passengers are now on-board and most are seated. Flight attendants are coordinating our departure and getting squared away for the flight. The door closes with a ‘hiss’ and everyone is instructed to take their seats and fasten their seatbelts. This looks like a good time for Carl to get to know The Yuppie a little better and perhaps some light conversation is in order. So Carl leans over and asks The Yuppie; “So how long are you going to be in Denver this week?” Keep in mind that this flight is going to Salt Lake City.

The Yuppie lets out a shriek that he is on the wrong airplane and they, the flight attendants, have to find his luggage, open the door and let him off the plane right now. He does a complete ‘rotor-over’ into the isle while trying to grab his coat. Next he has to open all of the now secured storage bins trying to locate all of his shit that he has been stuffing away in someone else’s area. Great commotion ensues! By now it has taken three flight attendants almost five minutes to convince The Yuppie he is in fact on the correct flight to Salt Lake City and get all of the overhead storage bins back in order for the flight.

The Yuppie is escorted back to his seat and is as pail as a ghost. As the plane is backed away from the terminal Carl removes a notebook from his pocket and after thumbing through a few pages, turns to The yuppie and says; “My secretary takes care of my travel arrangements, Denver is nest week, sorry.” As Carl settles back into his seat he pops The Yuppie’s elbow off of the arm rest and enjoys a quiet flight to Salt Lake City.
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  #136  
Old 14 January 2018, 15:09
Sharkcity Sharkcity is offline
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I was out with a friend doing some work with is home restoration business during the summer time. It was probably about 90 degrees outside and when he went to go look at the pipes underneath the upstairs toilet (where the leakage happened), he left his truck unlocked. So i opened the door, turned the heat on full blast and shut the door. He came out about 15 minutes later to turn it off so we could start working, while I'm in my car with the a/c on, he opens his door. Let's just say that he had to spend about 20 minutes with the a/c on an all 4 doors open. I watched a heat wave flow out of the car as soon as he opened the door.
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  #137  
Old 14 January 2018, 15:24
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Mingo Kane Mingo Kane is offline
Been There Done That
 
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Location: Virginia
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I've done the old black snake in a woman's purse, placed on the side of a country road trick a few times--always worth a few mail boxes and bumper dents once it's picked up and the purse is opened while speeding away.
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  #138  
Old 18 January 2018, 08:18
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GPC GPC is offline
Bitter old man.
 
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Had Corpsman do this to a buddy of mine. Guy caught drippy dick so at sick call dude had to get the ream and scream. The Corpsman joking around handed the Doc a M16 chamber brush.
Like the WWF to hold the guy down and convince him it was a joke. He still got the ream and scream with the proper device.
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  #139  
Old 18 January 2018, 20:40
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Old_Starlight Old_Starlight is offline
Awaiting the Terrologist?
 
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As I read through this considering more stories I could share, it suddenly dawned on me, there are a lot of arseholes on this site!

I am proud to be one amongst you all

Cheers,
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Lest We Forget.
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  #140  
Old 18 January 2018, 20:58
doitforjonny doitforjonny is offline
pumpin gas and kickin ass
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
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Waiting in Amman for my first contract to kick off, there was not a lot of clarity about what the timeline and plan was. People were getting weird and hysterical as no one knew how the whole thing operated.

I became irritated with all the tomfoolery and actively started planting rumors to stir the pot to the point that people would become immune to any hearsay. Whatever crazy shit came into my head, all I had to do was say 'I heard.....' in front of it and step back and watch the wheels fall off.

'I heard we were going in country in two days, but with no armor because of weight limits on the bird...'

'I heard the contract was renegotiated and we were only going to be getting 200 a day, folks with a combat deployment were gonna get 250 and 50 plus for each additional...'

'I heard they revisited the contract and LE was no longer acceptable experience...'

When one of the primary gossips finally called me out on something that was completely ridiculous, I just looked at him and said 'I heard...... (dead pan stare)'.

The light going on that everything I had been saying for the past two weeks was bullshit, and he had been key personnel in propagating it was priceless.

Needless to say, he never trusted another piece of gouge I had. Good dude otherwise though.
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