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  #1  
Old 9 February 2018, 21:42
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College writing assignment

Here’s a prime example of “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus”, offered by an English professor from the University of Colorado for an actual class assignment:

The professor told his class one day: “Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story. The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right. As homework tonight, one of you will write the first paragraph of a short story. You will email your partner that paragraph and send another copy to me. The partner will read the first paragraph and then add another paragraph to the story and send it back, also sending another copy to me. The first person will then add a third paragraph, and so on… back and forth. Remember to re-read what has been written each time in order to keep the story coherent. There is to be absolutely NO talking outside of the emails and anything you wish to say must be written in the email. The story is over when both agree a conclusion has been reached.”

The following was actually turned in by two of his English students, Rebecca and Gary.

THE STORY (first paragraph by Rebecca).
At first, Laurie couldn’t decide which kind of tea she wanted. The chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now reminded her of Carl. who once said, in happier times, that he liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him too much her asthma started acting up again. So chamomile was out of the question.

(Second paragraph by Gary)
Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than the neuroses of an air-headed, asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. “A.S. Harris to Geost Station 17,” he said into his transgalactic communicator. “Polar orbit established. No sign of resistance so far…” But before he could sign off, a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship’s cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across the cockpit.

(Rebecca)
He bumped his had and died almost immediately, but not before he felt one last pang of regret for completely ruining things with the one woman who had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4. “Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel,” Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously excited her and bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her youth, when the days had passed unhurriedly and carefree, with no newspaper to read, no television to diestract her from her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her.

(Gary)
Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live. Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu’udrian mothership had launched the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dimwitted wimpy peaceniks who pushed the unilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty through the congress had left the Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien emipires who were determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours after the passage of the treaty, the Anu’udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverise the entire planet. With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile entered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized poor, stupid Laurie.

(Rebecca)
This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic, semi-literate adolescent.

(Gary)
Yeah? Well, my writing partner is a self-centered, tedious, neurotic, whose attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. “Oh, shall I have chamomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of F–KING TEA??? Oh no, what am I to do? I am such an air headed bimbo who reads too many Danielle Steele novels!”

(Rebecca)
Asshole

(Gary)
Bitch!

(Rebecca)
F**K YOU – YOU NEANDERTHAL!!

(Gary)
In your dreams, HO. Go drink some tea!

(Teacher)

A+ – I really liked this one!
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  #2  
Old 9 February 2018, 22:31
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LMAO. . .Fuck'n got me! Ha
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Old 9 February 2018, 22:40
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ROTFLOL....good one
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Old 10 February 2018, 00:32
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I scanned the boards and saw the thread title, noticed it was in humor so proceeded to read. Oh, BTW, I was just getting ready to read some things to get ready for the my college paper that is due this weekend. After reading this, I think I will work on something else since my mind won't be right for a bit to focus...ha ha.

Thanks LP for a quick laugh and refocusing my efforts to something else.
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Old 10 February 2018, 10:43
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That was hilarious!
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  #6  
Old 13 February 2018, 07:56
Paul85 Paul85 is offline
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Reminds me of good times as a kid when we mounted a full scale assault on girls on playing ground to retake the swing set from the dreaded Worshippers of Pink Color, My Litte Pony Sandbox Cavalry and Barbie Riders. The horrors we saw..........

Since I always liked to sketch, I was eager to do a task I was given in pair with another classmate, a girl. We were asked to illustrate our school the way we saw it after discussing it together and exchanging ideas/information between each other. That went pretty smooth because the girl I was in pair with simply ignored me and started discussing the drawing with herself and her girl friends.

Then we began to draw and when we finished, we were asked to step up to the chalkboard and present our work. Needless to say, my girl 'teammate' created a vision of school you could puke at. Flowers, sweet rays of sun, horses (I shit you not), peachy colors everywhere. Happy, smiling people milling about holding hands. It was so rosy it made you want to vomit. Of course all girls went gaga over it, and the female teacher was suitably impressed. I mean, you could kill somebody with the amount of love, peace and tranquility that this fine image posessed.

Then I stepped up with my work and things finally got back into proper context. The school was a rumbling mess after a direct nuclear attack, with tons of zombies walking around, their flesh sloughing off. The sky was dark and dirty, dotted by flashes of lightning and filled with spaceships, helicopters and fighter jets all firing at each other. Giant robots stalked the nuked landscape, huge and mercilless rays of death emanating from their guns. Gigantic tank was squashing a car with zombies in it. Everyone was screaming, begging for mercy or stoically dispensing death. It was awesome!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Guess what. I was told that basically my drawing sucked, was too brutal and missed the idea of the assignment. I remember how I looked at the teacher and thought: man what does she know.....
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Old 14 February 2018, 08:52
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leopardprey leopardprey is offline
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Paul, similar thing happened when my nephew was in kindergarten in China. Most all the rest of the kids in his international school were Chinese. They were tasked with making crayon drawings, that were then to be displayed in the hallway. The teacher suggested drawing a landscape of the buildings, trees, skyline in the area.

I was visting at the time amd went with his mom to view the art work displayed in the hallway. I witnessed about two dozen crayon drawings of barious skylines, buildings, and trees. All the students following each other. But at the end was one drawing vastly different. My nephew drew a big green Army tank! Loved it!
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Old 14 February 2018, 13:21
Paul85 Paul85 is offline
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He definitely knew what's cool. I mean, landscapes and buildings don't hold a candle to a tank. Unless they are crushed by it
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  #9  
Old 14 February 2018, 16:44
Azatty Azatty is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Paul85 View Post
I mean, landscapes and buildings don't hold a candle to a tank.
Tanks are just upgraded ponies. Totally badass ponies, but cavalry just the same.
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  #10  
Old 14 February 2018, 17:33
Paul85 Paul85 is offline
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True, but the classmate I had the assignment with painted lots of goddamn My Little Pony lookalike rainbow-colored ponies. Kissing each other with lots of hearts floating around. I haven't read about Polish hussaria or U.S Cavalry using this type of horses
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  #11  
Old 14 February 2018, 23:35
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Paul85 View Post
TI haven't read about Polish hussaria or U.S Cavalry using this type of horses
They were called winged hussars, so maybe they rode flying unicorns.
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Old 15 February 2018, 05:44
Paul85 Paul85 is offline
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History has its mysteries.
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  #13  
Old 16 February 2018, 17:10
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Good to have that for a laugh today. Thanks for sharing.
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  #14  
Old 16 February 2018, 23:07
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I just read this out loud to my girlfriend, she laughed her ass off.
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  #15  
Old 21 February 2018, 14:18
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PV74RU78 PV74RU78 is offline
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LMAO!
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  #16  
Old 21 February 2018, 16:38
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ET1/ss nuke View Post
They were called winged hussars, so maybe they rode flying unicorns.
Unicorns are awesome. They're cool like horses, and they have a horn so they're tough like rhinos, plus they poop skittles. Yeah, unicorns are pretty badass
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Old 22 February 2018, 03:57
Paul85 Paul85 is offline
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One of my nephews is a girl. A 23-year old girl now. But still, when she was a child I often bought her either dolls or My Little Pony. Plus unicorns. All sorts of unicorns. She had a real-deal girl room with pink walls, pink everything and all sorts of sorcery (posters of boybands or teenage actors, doll houses, full-size doll carriages, faux hair dryers, faux makeup kits, and other paraphernalia that my mind was unable to understand and I did not want to ask my sister about as to retain my image of a tough manly man. OK, I asked her anyway.)

...


When I visited my another nephew, a boy, I finally was in the land of the sane. Bombs. Weaponry. Tanks, APCs, helicopters. Burly G.I.Joes or Action Men. I'll be honest, I was the one who played with them the most.

My friend's husband was ecstatic when they had their first child. As he told me in complete secret, which I urge you all to keep, he was unbelievably happy he could explain buying models and toys to his wife. Especially R/C cars or tanks. You know,

- "Honey, I bought three 1/18 scale cars and two RCs for our son"
- "Okay....wait a minute. It says "not a toy" on these models?"
- "Uyyyouuuu.....yyyy...hmmm. Yes, but...he should enjoy fruits of automotive industry from the very young age...yyy....I'll put them in my room first so he...umm..."
- "...and one of these R/Cs is also not for kids? Wait a moment....Traxxas Revo....It reads here that it has a real engine that runs on special gas? It's not a toy!"
- "Okay woman, listen up. Enough is enough. I bought them so my son...I mean our son can enjoy....shit whatever got to go. I forgot that I left some papers in teh car. I'll be in the garage"
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  #18  
Old 22 February 2018, 08:14
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This has been around since 1997. The longer version is even better.
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