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  #121  
Old 15 July 2019, 22:43
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Originally Posted by Shark0311 View Post
Kids need to learn consequences when they're young. I'd tell my kids that we can either do this the easy way or the hard way. My son learned real fast not to choose the hard way and the last time that I recall he was 4 now he is 12. My daughter took a bit more convincing until she figured it out. I think that she was 7 or 8 at the time. Now 11.

We've never limited our kids and they get whatever they want within reason. As long as they are doing their job which is school and chores they get to make their own decisions. When they are told no there is no complaining, they just accept the answer and move on.

Both kids get strait A's, do well in sports and are willing to push through pain to achieve their goals. They're little monsters and I love it.

One tip is that I explain the reasoning behind everything. I want to raise decision makers not robots.
This. Our two girls are the same, they don't complain and they still answer "yes sir" and "no sir." We trained them from the crib with firm and consistent guidance. There is no ambiguity on responsibilities and consequences as they know what they have to do and they know beforehand the consequences if they don't fulfill their responsibilities and obligations.

For example, they're home this week with no summer camp so I've given them instructions for tomorrow (organizing and cleaning the garage) as I'm traveling the entire day tomorrow for work and the wife is out of town on a business trip. Thus no cars in the garage and good time to do it. I provided them the commander's intent and I'm leaving it up to them to execute. There was no complaint, only "yes sir." I have complete confidence it will get done. To make things interesting, I made the little one (for the first time) the NCOIC for tomorrow. I did this because the older one is like Oscar Maddison whereas the little one makes Felix Unger look disorganized.
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  #122  
Old 16 July 2019, 09:15
schibbs schibbs is offline
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CJ, that is pretty darn impressive of your girls, and you and Mama! Were it not for my sister next door on the farm, the place would look like a tornado went through. My nieces and nephew have not stooped over to pick anything up or cleaned anything in their entire lives! Drives me nuts!
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  #123  
Old 16 July 2019, 09:26
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Originally Posted by Mingo Kane View Post
I've always been partial to this brand of family discipline:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jFBi31lr26k


Yep. But if Uncle is going to say they aren't gang bangers then he should pull his pants up.

I've never understood that. I guess they don't understand what that actually means/signifies in jail/prison.
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  #124  
Old 16 July 2019, 10:30
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Originally Posted by Sharky View Post
Yep. But if Uncle is going to say they aren't gang bangers then he should pull his pants up.

I've never understood that. I guess they don't understand what that actually means/signifies in jail/prison.
Well, in the uncles slight defense...my ole pop dropped his britches a time or two wearing my ass out--I think it has something to do with that twisting motion as the belt slices fleetly through the atmosphere--kinda like a golf swing without the need for total accuracy, just waist down and your GTG--hands getting hit while trying to block the belt strike is a perfectly acceptable practice.
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  #125  
Old 16 July 2019, 14:44
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Originally Posted by Mingo Kane View Post
Well, in the uncles slight defense...my ole pop dropped his britches a time or two wearing my ass out--I think it has something to do with that twisting motion as the belt slices fleetly through the atmosphere--kinda like a golf swing without the need for total accuracy, just waist down and your GTG--hands getting hit while trying to block the belt strike is a perfectly acceptable practice.
IIRC. The Uncle was using his belt. I give him a pass.
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  #126  
Old 16 July 2019, 15:11
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Originally Posted by 1RiserSlip View Post
IIRC. The Uncle was using his belt. I give him a pass.
Well...I didn't want to explain to Sharky that taking your belt off to whip someones ass might make your pants a little loose in the waist.
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  #127  
Old 16 July 2019, 18:14
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Well...I didn't want to explain to Sharky that taking your belt off to whip someones ass might make your pants a little loose in the waist.
Or a night in the drunk tank.
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  #128  
Old 16 July 2019, 18:19
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Where the...you know what, never mind.
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  #129  
Old 16 July 2019, 19:46
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Originally Posted by Sharky View Post
Yep. But if Uncle is going to say they aren't gang bangers then he should pull his pants up.

I've never understood that. I guess they don't understand what that actually means/signifies in jail/prison.
This came as a shock to me and no doubt will come as a great shock to everyone here...
Apparently that kid getting beat was shot and killed in a purported incident of gang violence, a few months after that video was made/posted. Guess he shoulda beat him harder.(?)...
Damn shame as I'm sure he was just turning his life around.
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  #130  
Old 16 July 2019, 20:47
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Was hosting a birthday party for 2 to 4 yr. old kids. One kid was pushing and hitting smaller kids including my 2 yr old daughter so I asked his mother to take him home and don't bother to ever bring him back.
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  #131  
Old 17 July 2019, 09:02
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Originally Posted by P304X4 View Post
Was hosting a birthday party for 2 to 4 yr. old kids. One kid was pushing and hitting smaller kids including my 2 yr old daughter so I asked his mother to take him home and don't bother to ever bring him back.
Nice!
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  #132  
Old 17 July 2019, 13:21
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Originally Posted by schibbs View Post
CJ, that is pretty darn impressive of your girls, and you and Mama! Were it not for my sister next door on the farm, the place would look like a tornado went through. My nieces and nephew have not stooped over to pick anything up or cleaned anything in their entire lives! Drives me nuts!
Thanks, but its mostly Mama, as she even scares me... Our situation is the result of a lot of hard work up front, meaning the first 4-5 years required a lot of sacrifice on our part. We never let anything slide, nothing. Once a child actually knows that they aren't getting away with acting out or avoiding responsibilities, they'll comply because the consequences outweigh the short term gratification. As they get older, it's much easier because maturity provides perspective and when they proactively start doing positive things without our requests or prodding, then we provide plenty of incentives and rewards. We're at a point now where much of the hard work is behind us and we get to enjoy the fruits of our labor, an incredible positive and loving relationship with our girls.
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  #133  
Old 17 July 2019, 14:55
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Originally Posted by cj View Post
Thanks, but its mostly Mama, as she even scares me... Our situation is the result of a lot of hard work up front, meaning the first 4-5 years required a lot of sacrifice on our part. We never let anything slide, nothing. Once a child actually knows that they aren't getting away with acting out or avoiding responsibilities, they'll comply because the consequences outweigh the short term gratification. As they get older, it's much easier because maturity provides perspective and when they proactively start doing positive things without our requests or prodding, then we provide plenty of incentives and rewards. We're at a point now where much of the hard work is behind us and we get to enjoy the fruits of our labor, an incredible positive and loving relationship with our girls.
Too bad you can't bottle your endeavors and perseverance and sell it on the streets of the inner cities, or any of our streets, for that matter!
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  #134  
Old 17 July 2019, 15:09
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Completely agree with cj on all points. We raised 4 kids. 3 girls and a boy. Start early. Be consistent, follow through and be a unified as parents. Actions have consequences. Good and bad. Explain your actions or at least let them hear the why as to their punishment. Kids will be kids and try a lot of fuckery to cover their tracks. I always told them what my parents told me “if your going to do something you know is gonna land you in Shitsville be smart enough to not get caught or be prepared to suffer the consequences.” Earlier you start the easier it is. Kids respond differently. Some listen to reason some don’t. My son had to step in shit much more than his sisters. He learned the hard way. Now he has 3 little girls.
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  #135  
Old 17 July 2019, 15:58
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Originally Posted by Xenonburnout View Post
Completely agree with cj on all points. We raised 4 kids. 3 girls and a boy. Start early. Be consistent, follow through and be a unified as parents. Actions have consequences. Good and bad. Explain your actions or at least let them hear the why as to their punishment. Kids will be kids and try a lot of fuckery to cover their tracks. I always told them what my parents told me “if your going to do something you know is gonna land you in Shitsville be smart enough to not get caught or be prepared to suffer the consequences.” Earlier you start the easier it is. Kids respond differently. Some listen to reason some don’t. My son had to step in shit much more than his sisters. He learned the hard way. Now he has 3 little girls.
Congrats on raising 4 kids, now you get to spoil the grandkids. Our kids almost stopped asking me questions when they were around 7-8 years of age. They slowed down because I refused to answer simple questions with a direct answer. I responded to simple questions by conducting a Q&A with them, which of course they hated. But, it forced them to start thinking. The motivation wasn't to stop being pestered by stupid or lazy questions, but to get them to think and to think at a much deeper level before seeking help from someone. Now at 13 and 14 years of age, they resumed frequently asking questions, but, it becomes more of an interesting conversation instead of a simple thoughtless question that they could've answered by themselves by simply thinking through the question or problem. Plus, now they can ask Siri all those simple stupid questions.
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  #136  
Old 17 July 2019, 16:41
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We have 5 grandkids now and soon to add the sixth and spoil them we do! It’s fun to hear some of the same discipline tactics used by us now being deployed by them. It appears as though the only spoiling to be done will be by Gma and Gpa. The kids seem like more hardasses than we were.
I tell my grand babies what happens at grandpa and grandmas stays at grandpa and grandmas. Our house our rules. They are little saints with us so far.
Like you said the real hammer was their mother. She always just has this way of nurturing without spoiling. But push her buttons and just test her and it was game on.
We always complimented each other’s strengths and weaknesses. I have a very low tolerance of bullshit and being tested without wanting to start culling the herd. My wife is such a good mother that I believe the kids never wanted to disappoint her. I give her tons of credit.
But spoiling grand babies is the best. Our kids swear we aren’t the same people we were when raising them. They are right. I said you won’t be either when you are spoiling your grand babies. Do your work now and enjoy this later or you will do it all over again with your grandkids by raising them.
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  #137  
Old 17 July 2019, 21:55
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Geez...
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  #138  
Old 17 July 2019, 23:05
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cj View Post
Thanks, but its mostly Mama, as she even scares me... Our situation is the result of a lot of hard work up front, meaning the first 4-5 years required a lot of sacrifice on our part. We never let anything slide, nothing. Once a child actually knows that they aren't getting away with acting out or avoiding responsibilities, they'll comply because the consequences outweigh the short term gratification. As they get older, it's much easier because maturity provides perspective and when they proactively start doing positive things without our requests or prodding, then we provide plenty of incentives and rewards. We're at a point now where much of the hard work is behind us and we get to enjoy the fruits of our labor, an incredible positive and loving relationship with our girls.
this.
I have 4 kids.
The oldest is a 30 yr old girl, well woman. She was a terror as a teen. We kept on her, we made her tow the line as much as we could. She is now a wonderful young lady who she and her husband have given us 2 beautiful grandchildren.
The next oldest is a boy and really never gave us too many problems.
The 3rd boy is 20 and much like his older sister was a handful. Seemed like I was always in his ass. He is now on his own in TX, being a responsible adult and has often thanked me for kicking his ass growing up, because it matured him far beyond others in his age group.
The youngest, actually learned from the others. When she acts up, I literally only have to say "HEY", and she quiets right the fuck down.
But, to your original point, the 3 oldest, that are now out of the house, we have an awesome, mature, friendly relationships. And it's awesome. And all 3 of them have thanked us for the way they were raised.
My point, that I will get to, promise, is that keep on your kids, and show/teach them the right way. They do listen, even if you don't think so.
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  #139  
Old 17 July 2019, 23:13
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I see that in my wifes son. I raised him since he was one. Never thought he heard a single thing I said. He has turned out to be an excellent Dad. He makes his girls tow the line and it was good to see that he did hear what was being said to him. What killed us was the way he would act hear but if he got out around other kids and parents they always said he was the most well behaved kid they had seen.
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  #140  
Old 17 July 2019, 23:36
Colonel Flagg Colonel Flagg is offline
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We’ve got two boys. 14 and 13.

They are really good kids. High performing, well behaved, empathetic, and cheeky.

I’ve learned “trust, but verify” are my favourite words as a parent to teenage boys.

“I believe you, now show me.”

The best part is being able to joke around with them like when with a small group of men.

That’s when I remind them that I am not their friend, I am their father and I will always love them, but they must earn my respect every f*cking day.

I reinforce with them that respect and being treated like a man is hard to earn and very easy to lose.

There’s been days where I’ve told my boys I love them, but that I don’t respect them. And you can see it stings them badly.

Framed the right way by a parent/adult, a kid will walk thru fire and bust down walls to earn that respect or earn it back.

It’s a powerful lever.
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