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  #41  
Old 12 March 2019, 14:20
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Going cyclic!!
 
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Man who farts in church, sits in his own pew
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  #42  
Old 18 March 2019, 08:12
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If you don't smell ozone, the radiation won't kill you before next week.
 
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When Genghis Khan's brother caught leprosy, he moved to Ireland. That was the origin of the Leper Khan.
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"I don't know whether the world is run by smart men who are putting us on, or by imbeciles who really mean it." - Twain

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"Just a lone patriot acting alone at a fulcrum point, ideally in a deniable fashion. A perpetrator of accidents." - Magician
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  #43  
Old 23 March 2019, 22:37
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Mixed laxitives with alphabet soup, I call it "Letter Rip".
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  #44  
Old 23 March 2019, 23:11
Stretch Stretch is offline
The atomic zit
 
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Wipe it off.
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  #45  
Old 25 March 2019, 11:08
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If you don't smell ozone, the radiation won't kill you before next week.
 
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A vegan lady tried to tell me that a butcher shop is gross, but I told her that a guy who sells fruits and vegetables is even grocer.
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"I don't know whether the world is run by smart men who are putting us on, or by imbeciles who really mean it." - Twain

"I agree that his intentions are suspect, and that he likely needs to die...." - SOTB

"Just a lone patriot acting alone at a fulcrum point, ideally in a deniable fashion. A perpetrator of accidents." - Magician
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  #46  
Old 26 March 2019, 19:00
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"Eggs are Fowl". No, really, they are nasty.
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"And all that remains is the faces and the names of the wives and the sons and the daughters."--Gordon Lightfoot.

Last edited by Expatmedic; 26 March 2019 at 19:07.
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  #47  
Old 26 March 2019, 19:05
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Quote:
Originally Posted by P304X4 View Post
Mixed laxitives with alphabet soup, I call it "Letter Rip".
"Vowel Movement".
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  #48  
Old 26 March 2019, 21:52
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If you don't smell ozone, the radiation won't kill you before next week.
 
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I hate it when I rent a limousine but the driver doesn't show up, because then I've spent all that money with nothing to chauffeur it.
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"I don't know whether the world is run by smart men who are putting us on, or by imbeciles who really mean it." - Twain

"I agree that his intentions are suspect, and that he likely needs to die...." - SOTB

"Just a lone patriot acting alone at a fulcrum point, ideally in a deniable fashion. A perpetrator of accidents." - Magician
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  #49  
Old 26 March 2019, 22:28
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Today I overheard a duck arguing with a plastic surgeon about money
Apparently he was trying to get his bill reduced.
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  #50  
Old 31 March 2019, 16:38
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Injected duck DNA into a cucumber plant and got a bunch of daffy dills.
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“The two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.”

"It is difficult to free fools from the chains they revere."
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  #51  
Old 12 April 2019, 06:31
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If you don't smell ozone, the radiation won't kill you before next week.
 
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Never fall for a tennis player. Love means nothing to them.
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"I don't know whether the world is run by smart men who are putting us on, or by imbeciles who really mean it." - Twain

"I agree that his intentions are suspect, and that he likely needs to die...." - SOTB

"Just a lone patriot acting alone at a fulcrum point, ideally in a deniable fashion. A perpetrator of accidents." - Magician
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  #52  
Old 15 April 2019, 08:23
Janitor Janitor is offline
Ghey floor sweeper
 
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What do you call a military pastry chef? An Army desserter.
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  #53  
Old 7 May 2019, 16:52
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A jolly psychic is a happy medium.
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“The two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.”

"It is difficult to free fools from the chains they revere."
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  #54  
Old 7 May 2019, 23:25
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If you don't smell ozone, the radiation won't kill you before next week.
 
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What's brown and sounds like a bell?










Dunggggggggggg.
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"I don't know whether the world is run by smart men who are putting us on, or by imbeciles who really mean it." - Twain

"I agree that his intentions are suspect, and that he likely needs to die...." - SOTB

"Just a lone patriot acting alone at a fulcrum point, ideally in a deniable fashion. A perpetrator of accidents." - Magician
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  #55  
Old 10 May 2019, 08:33
Keganswar Keganswar is offline
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My wife loves these corny jokes. They just crack her up. She wanted me to thank you all for the laughs!
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  #56  
Old 10 May 2019, 10:48
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If you don't smell ozone, the radiation won't kill you before next week.
 
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When the batteries died in my flashlight, I was delighted.
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"I don't know whether the world is run by smart men who are putting us on, or by imbeciles who really mean it." - Twain

"I agree that his intentions are suspect, and that he likely needs to die...." - SOTB

"Just a lone patriot acting alone at a fulcrum point, ideally in a deniable fashion. A perpetrator of accidents." - Magician
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  #57  
Old 11 May 2019, 14:18
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ET1/ss nuke View Post
When the batteries died in my flashlight, I was delighted.
Does that make a boeing speaker decaptivating?
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“The two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.”

"It is difficult to free fools from the chains they revere."
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  #58  
Old 20 May 2019, 11:51
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If you don't smell ozone, the radiation won't kill you before next week.
 
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I just finished writing a book on penguins. In hindsight, it would have been much easier to just write it on paper.
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"I don't know whether the world is run by smart men who are putting us on, or by imbeciles who really mean it." - Twain

"I agree that his intentions are suspect, and that he likely needs to die...." - SOTB

"Just a lone patriot acting alone at a fulcrum point, ideally in a deniable fashion. A perpetrator of accidents." - Magician
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  #59  
Old 22 May 2019, 11:40
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ET1/ss nuke View Post
Never fall for a tennis player. Love means nothing to them.
Best one yet. Well done.
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  #60  
Old 22 May 2019, 11:43
Gsniper Gsniper is offline
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Had a woman get murdered here last night. Husband put a ice cube in a condom and cold cocked her.
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