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Old 7 February 2010, 00:11
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Dark Helmet Dark Helmet is offline
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One of the better threads we have seen in a while....keep them coming....
All Hail the Helmet!

SGT A/1/75 86-89
Ranger Class 13-87

"If there must be trouble, let it be in my day, that my children will have peace." - Thomas Paine
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Old 7 February 2010, 00:33
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JAFO JAFO is offline
33,024 - R.I.P.
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Do any of the Frogs here remember the little yellow scorpions at Niland?
"Until Jesus gets into the gun business, there will never be a perfect gun.” - Will Larson (iraqgunz) RIP.
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Old 7 February 2010, 01:08
Old Scroll Old Scroll is offline
Been There Done That
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: IL
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Got buzzed by an Owl at O’dark thirty in a clearing in the Rainer Training area; scared the crap out of me. During Ranger School, Florida Phase, in a patrol base, in the prone, I hear a rustling in the Oak leaves in front of my face; cleared the leaves and found a Pigmy Rattlesnake. I got the RI’s attention and he told me to get rid of it outside of our perimeter. Yakima, live fire, a Prairie Chicken “happened to get in the way of my target”, and he ended up as our dinner.
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Old 7 February 2010, 11:50
shady1 shady1 is offline
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F**K MRE's

Pic. tells the story.
Nuff said.

If god didn't want us to kill and eat animals why then did he make them out of meat.

John Cleese,
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Old 7 February 2010, 15:19
bellbottommarine bellbottommarine is offline
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Some really funny stuff here, maybe not funny at the time for some, but hope you are able to laugh about it now.

I really can’t count the number of encounters with indigenous creatures I’ve had over the years from Boy Scouts, Mil., LEO, and Contractor, but one of the most recent goes something like this….. It’s a bit long, “bear” with me…..

Wife and I, and my 2 big dogs (Old World Black Lab, about 145lb. “baby huey” type, and a Pit-Shepherd mix, about 95lbs. solid, and “junk yard mean” type) returning from a 14 day fly fishing trip thru Wyoming and Montana, stop at our last campground near the Montana/Idaho border.

We notice a bear trap (barrel cage type, 1 each) at the camp entrance, and the wife immediately goes into "condition Red", I being me (no fear) remain in "condition White", “nothing to fear here I tell her, probably a black bear, and more afraid of us than we should be of it”.

We settle, and after a bit, the camp host comes by to collect fees, and gives us a warning of a bear in the area. We mention we saw the bear trap, he says just to keep our food stuff in the car overnight, and to use the special “bear proof” dumpsters for garbage. Yep, no worries we say.

It gets to be dusk, I start dinner (fish of course, and a decent size left over chicken breast, rice, corn on the cob). Dogs are quiet, tired after a long day of walking rivers.

I just get dinner on the table, wife sits down, takes one bite, and we hear the “bear proof” trash can tip over less than 10 ft away (course it’s darker than a well diggers ass by now, it could have been 2 feet away for all I know). Dogs….? Not a peep. Go figure.

One min. the wife is there, next min. she and her plate of food are gone, all I hear is the truck door slam shut…. and lock. OMG!!!!! Now here I am, locked out of the only safe haven there is, with a table full of food, and 2 dogs, that I figure are about to go ape shit on a grizzly bear or something.

Nothing like getting fed to the wolves (or bears in this case), by your own wife!!!!

Geez, what a mess, I’m scramblin’ for a flashlight, 2 dogs, my food, and trying to get into a locked car. I finally get the flashlight, get control of the dogs, who are looking at me like I’m an idiot (they still haven’t caught onto the bear yet), and getting them and my plate of food into the truck. All the while the bear is kickin’ the shit out of that “bear proof” can.

I finally get the light on the bear, and it’s a female black bear, having gotten her prize, a “pickinick (think Yogi bear) basket” (garbage actually), she streaks off into the woods, bag in mouth. Fastest, funniest shit I ever seen. She was haulin’ ass.

Needless to say the wife didn’t set foot outside the truck the rest of the night. Had to get her a pee receptacle, as going to the restrooms was out of the question.

Figured later on, the dogs didn’t make a fuss, cuz’ they didn’t perceive her (the bear) a threat. The Pit being pretty good at assessing situations, would never have let her within a 100 feet if he thought she was a problem.

All of this, after 2 earlier encounters that day with rattlesnakes, one the Pit went after as he saw it swimming in the river. Big guy about 5½ foot long, 5 inches around. He snatched it up, and killed it so quick I didn’t even have time to yell at him to get away.

The other, having just told the wife to look down at the ground for snakes, before she stepped out of the truck, only to find one between my own feet when I stepped out. Holy shit!
Luckily I had half of my fishing pole in my hand, so I was able to guide him away without incident.

Healthy respect for those bastards, having been biten by one when I was 8 y/o and almost died.

Oh ya, and Ants are the devil!!!! Especially those angry, aggressive little bastards in Iraq.
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Old 7 February 2010, 15:24
Ralphie Ralphie is offline
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Back in early 2004 at Al Asad, before the wild dog problem was totally dealt with, packs of the fuckers used to roam the base, particularly the flightline area. One day climbing up the hill from HMM-261's spaces to Comm Squadron's spaces, a pack of five or six of the bastards surrounded me, had me completely circled. One of them started moving toward me, and I got pretty damned scared, pretty quick--not just of him, but also of the ones behind me I couldn't see. I chambered a round in my 9mm, and thankfully, that was all it took to make them run away. They seemed to be very familiar with that sound.

Once the powers that be finally started culling those ugly fuckers, I don't think anyone was happier than me.
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Old 7 February 2010, 15:45
C1518D C1518D is offline
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Ranger School, Oct 2001, Florida phase. We had just taken a lovely cruise down the yellow river in Zodiacs. We hit our disembark point, get off the boats, and start getting unfucked for the strool through the swamp to the OBJ. Myself and the other leadership guys huddle next to the edge of the river to get our plan straight. In the middle of the discussion, I look over at the tree next to me, and there in the Y-split of the main trunk, about two feet away, is one pissed off looking cottonmouth. He is staring straight at me and clearly contemplating his options. Well, I inform the others in a calm and deliberate manner (yeah right) and we quickly (understatement) move outside the minumum safe distance to continue planning.

RI: What's the problem Ranger?

Me: big ass snake over there sergeant...

(Sudden rush of RIs over to fuck with the snake)

Well, after getting the snake all pissed off by poking it with their sticks, one of the RIs pins it, grabs it and throws it in the river. The snake isn't having any of this and comes right back to get a piece of that RI's ass. They grab it again, and this time one RI preps an arty sim while another throws the snake back in the river. It immediately starts coming back at us for round two. The RI throws the arty sim in the river next to the snake and BOOM! Looked like a damn depth charge going off.

The last we saw of that snake was him hauling ass in the opposite direction from the RIs. We never heard him call "6 0'clock three hundred meters" but we knew he was thinking it. Hell, we knew just what he was going through.
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Old 7 February 2010, 15:58
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37F5V 37F5V is offline
One jump chump
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I was out at camp Mackall sometime around 2005 as an instructor. It was about 0200-0300 and I was sitting on that crappy little bridge between the muddies waiting for the students to cross when all of a sudden... WHACK!!! SPLOOSH!!! I almost fell off the side of the bridge... Big-ass f'n beaver apparently didn't like me hanging around his turf... I arty simmed the crap outta that area on my way out.
Hearts and minds? -- that's two to the chest and one in the head, right?

“An elephant is a mouse built to government specifications.”
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Old 7 February 2010, 16:13
8Ball 8Ball is offline
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Thumbs up

Great Stories, guys!
"See, you think I give a shit. Wrong. In fact, while you talk, I'm thinking how can I give less of a shit? That's why I look interested."

"There won't be humans in 500 years. Enough people choke themselves when they jerk off we gave it a name. We ain't a species made to last."

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Old 7 February 2010, 18:25
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rgrdrew rgrdrew is offline
Been There Done That
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From my 2/75 days, we were in Savannah during the initial call up for Panama. 1/75 was in Jordan I think.

We're out in the field on HAAF, early morning and it's cold for Savannah. We are laying in a patrol base at 100% for EMNT and my private (Steve Kristoff) keeps moving around. I whisper in his ear if he doesn't stop squirming around and making noise I am going to physically hurt him.

He tells me "Sar'nt, there is something moving underneath me...". I tell him to roll over, take out my knife and start pushing leaves away. Low and behold, right underneath where his chest was, is a little (foot long or so) copperhead snake, which post haste, I dispatched by removing the head part of the copperhead. He got a pass on that one!

I won't even go into the creatures we encountered on and in the vicinity of Tybee Island and it's associated beaches during that trip...much more venomous and lethal! :-)

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Old 7 February 2010, 18:42
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rgrdrew rgrdrew is offline
Been There Done That
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Then of course, there was the depolyment/exercise to Yakima, WA where I regaled a young kid (new to Batt and my squad) from the inner-city of Detroit with tales of the fabled "Jack-a-lope". I don't think he EVER slept, so worried was he that we might be attacked and overrun by killer jack-a-lopes. :-D
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Old 8 February 2010, 08:42
paratroop77 paratroop77 is offline
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Originally Posted by C1518D View Post
We never heard him call "6 0'clock three hundred meters" but we knew he was thinking it. Hell, we knew just what he was going through.
Good times right?
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Old 9 February 2010, 11:15
shady1 shady1 is offline
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Chicken killers and Airborne lizards

Gr8 stories, While trying to harvest some kind of Grouse/quail looking little chicken bird for dinner with my locally supplied pellet gun. These f'in predators were my competition. A couple well placed snares in the consertina although extremely successful didn't put a dent in the population.
On the lighter side. early to mid eighties, 7th Gp.(support). I used to jump with a lizard that I acquired in Fla. on a Joint Training Exercise. Had it in a yellow plastic two piece first aid kit strapped to my ankle. At manifest call I would be asked " XXXXX(my rank and name), you got that f'kin lizard with you ?" "AIRBORNE Sgt." LOL ! My training NCO had a separate jump log for him. Little f'ker had quite a few jumps without injury only to die a horrible death by escaping his enclosure (E&E) and succumb under the radiator in the barracks. R.I.P little paratrooper.
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Old 29 June 2010, 10:05
Magyc Magyc is offline
Nerd Alert!
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Been a while since we got a post and it's summertime so I need more reading material.

Any have stories to add?
"The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist."
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Old 29 June 2010, 10:55
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RetPara RetPara is offline
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Originally Posted by rgrdrew View Post
Then of course, there was the depolyment/exercise to Yakima, WA where I regaled a young kid (new to Batt and my squad) from the inner-city of Detroit with tales of the fabled "Jack-a-lope". I don't think he EVER slept, so worried was he that we might be attacked and overrun by killer jack-a-lopes. :-D

They can be viscous.
God is great, beer is good, people are crazy......
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Old 29 June 2010, 11:00
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In Alaska, it's hard not to have "encounters" of one type or another.
Especially at the remote MIL sites.

Moose kill more folks than Bear each year in Alaska.

Last edited by arizonaguide; 29 June 2010 at 11:07. Reason: added Moose pic.
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Old 29 June 2010, 11:56
Papa Smurf Papa Smurf is offline
On the Extract Bird
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Originally Posted by Magyc View Post
anyone have any stories about running into wildlife while out on the job?
Philippines in the 70's - living in the Subic barracks with monkeys running every freakin' place. Bastards took everything that wasn't tied down. Between them and the lizards that ran across the top of the Quonset with their claws scratching the aluminum it was enough to make you go batshit!
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Old 29 June 2010, 12:13
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MikeC2W MikeC2W is offline
Cry havoc
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Location: Ciudad Juarez
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All the usual suspects: Fire ants, armadillos, water moccasins, leaches, scorpions, gators, boars and turkeys on the 60 and the 203 range....

I was walking down a dirt road from point A to point B somewhere in the middle of Ft. Stewart all by my lonesome with a empty M16 and a heavy ruck when a momma boar and 4 little piglets came running out about 20 feet in front of me. The momma stopped looked at me, she had to be close to 500lbs if she was 20, gave a grunt, I raised my empty rifle, and she ran off with piglets in tow.

Getting charged by a baby bushmaster in Panama, lying down next to a tree full of very brightly colored tree frogs, finding a 6 foot boa in the middle of the patrol base, using tabasco MRE sauce to create a ant blockade, all the usual's in Panama. My favorite was sitting on a LP/OP and almost opening up with the SAW on a pack of fucking monkeys moving through the trees, I thought it was the mongol hard coming through the gate.

The worst, absolutely most dangerous situation I was ever in, the one that, really, I thought it was curtains for me....was this water buffalo that my Ranger buds let me try to tame on River Street one night.....
Cco 1/75

Two eyes from the east.
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Old 29 June 2010, 12:33
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reed11b reed11b is offline
Chicks dig scars
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Ft. Richardson AK, '95-96ish, setting up a relay point in the woods. We can't locate the team that set up the point. After 2 hours of searching we hear, faintly, "their’s a bear in the area" from the bushes. Turns out the two man team had seen a grizzly run in front of them in a clearing and decided to hide in the bushes. They had been whispering to us about the bear as we circled the area, but were to scared to speak up. I was less then thrilled to be left out there for two nights with no type of bear protection myself but it all worked out ok.
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Old 29 June 2010, 12:34
JumpCut JumpCut is offline
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Last week of active duty for me and a good friend from our command soccer team.

The ship had just returned CONUS after fun and games in Gitmo, and was high and dry in the drydocks. The entire crew (+/- 800 squids) was put up in a local Holiday Inn for the duration.

As a parting ceremony to Uncle Sugar and our shipmates at the hotel, we decided to 1) liquor up 2) infil the local botanical gardens at midnight 3) capture five ducks, place them in garbage bags 4) deposit ducks on hotel elevator 5) push random buttons 6) enjoy the mayhem.

Did I mention it was 17 degrees outside?

Anyway, everything went as planned, up to step 3. The original plan was to approach the ducks as they slept on the lake bank, pin them to the ground with a hockey stick, then shove them in the trash bags.

We failed, however, to calculate the speed and head-splitting screeches of ducks under duress, and the weight of two drunks on thin ice.

We both went from active duty to IRR medical hold for walking pneumonia.
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