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  #301  
Old 10 October 2018, 05:01
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Ole crusty bastard Ole crusty bastard is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jasonglh View Post
I’ve made a mess of damn near everything at this point.
I think that is key, knowing right from wrong and wanting to make it better.

Don't feel like you are alone when it comes to screwing shit up, seems that it comes naturally for some of us. What you do to make it right is how we are measured.

(Good) advice can come from many places, choosing what is helpful doesn't always mean the quickest or the easiest.

Try to remember what is really important in your life and the priorities will line themselves up.
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  #302  
Old 20 October 2018, 00:12
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I guess the Zoloft is working as we rapidly uptitrated to 150mg with a goal of max dose at 200mg. My anger level is nil and everything just seems to roll off me. It might be the most clear headed Iíve been in a long time. I still thing about negative things but I donít dwell on them in negative loops like Iíve done my whole life. Weird side effect they donít tell you about is everything has a metallic taste now. I guess it could help you quit smoking because they taste like ass now. Even my chapstick tastes like shit. One day at a time.
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  #303  
Old 20 October 2018, 12:55
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One foot in front of the other. Continued grace and peace.
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  #304  
Old 20 October 2018, 14:06
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Originally Posted by jasonglh View Post
I appreciate all the support. Iíve made a mess of damn near everything at this point. Had a decent session today and will see the lady that does the EMDR at the next. I got started on Zoloft today so hopefully that helps in time as it takes awhile to work.

Good deal with EMDR. It's not a miracle, but it did help me some. For the first time in my life I actually had a neutral/almost positive dream about my mother (as opposed to horrible negative dreams) I attribute that to EMDR and acknowledging/processing the internal messages I developed as a child. This stuff isn't easy, but it's worth it. Good on you.
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  #305  
Old 20 October 2018, 16:50
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Purple, how come you had such bad dreams about your mother? Reason I ask is I've adopted 2 boys and they grew up in a really shitty family and we've been considering having them go through EMDR.
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  #306  
Old 20 October 2018, 22:41
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Originally Posted by Jong View Post
Purple, how come you had such bad dreams about your mother? Reason I ask is I've adopted 2 boys and they grew up in a really shitty family and we've been considering having them go through EMDR.

Because my mother was severely bipolar/alcoholic..although I knew she loved me, childhood was rough and really things were difficult until she died a few years ago. Feel free to PM if you would like to discuss this sort of thing.
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  #307  
Old 20 October 2018, 23:48
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jasonglh View Post
I guess the Zoloft is working as we rapidly uptitrated to 150mg with a goal of max dose at 200mg. My anger level is nil and everything just seems to roll off me. It might be the most clear headed I’ve been in a long time. I still thing about negative things but I don’t dwell on them in negative loops like I’ve done my whole life. Weird side effect they don’t tell you about is everything has a metallic taste now. I guess it could help you quit smoking because they taste like ass now. Even my chapstick tastes like shit. One day at a time.
Let’s talk tomorrow. You are not alone, I got you.

Let’s move forward away from the past. Two paths of boots, mine and yours. Together.
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Last edited by Expatmedic; 20 October 2018 at 23:56.
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  #308  
Old 21 October 2018, 05:05
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As an added bonus because I don’t already feel like an asshole for imploding my current marriage my 11 year old daughter read the text message exchange I had with my exwife about how my treatment is going. She’s an old soul for an 11 year old and now she’s worried about her daddy. I tried to explain the best I could that I sometimes have nightmares about things I’ve seen and it makes me irritable when I’m awake but I’m working on it. Because the kid doesn’t have enough on her plate worrying about the status of my current marriage with the second mom she’s known for more than half her short life. She’s taking this separation hard especially being away from her 10 month old little brother. It’s just a hell of mess and I feel like the collateral damage is spreading to everyone around me.
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  #309  
Old 21 October 2018, 05:49
DaveP DaveP is offline
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Hey, Jason - good morning; good to see someone else is up.

Quote:
Originally Posted by jasonglh View Post
Sheís an old soul for an 11 year old and now sheís worried about her daddy.
Probably worried because she's like her daddy, who has probably been taking care of others his whole life, right?
And that's a good thing; I bet she's got his big shoulders too, and it helps to feel like she's sharing part of the load.
I've been that kid - how much you share is up to you, but absent information she'll worry even more.

Quote:
I tried to explain the best I could that I sometimes have nightmares about things Iíve seen and it makes me irritable when Iím awake but Iím working on it.
Good, simple, true.

Quote:
Itís just a hell of mess and I feel like the collateral damage is spreading to everyone around me.
Messy, maybe. Not a mess.
Looking back, the thing that stands out for me was that both parents made a point of being there. Just being there; it's enough for now.

DaveP
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  #310  
Old 21 October 2018, 06:36
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She gets it honest all 3 parentals and 3/4 of her grandparents are all nurses.
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  #311  
Old 21 October 2018, 07:53
DaveP DaveP is offline
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^^
See, it's hard-wired; she can't help but worry!

It's a road march, not a sprint. Small steps.
You finishing a shift? Sun should be coming up soon.

DaveP
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  #312  
Old 21 October 2018, 17:16
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jasonglh View Post
She gets it honest all 3 parentals and 3/4 of her grandparents are all nurses.

She'll be ok...yeah, kids can try to "fix" things and become adults too soon...so to help prevent that...give her a hug, tell her you love her and nothing of what occurs between you and your ex or current wife has anything to do with her. Tell her straight up that she is not the cause of it and it's not her job to be the adult...her job is to be the kid and to grow and learn and enjoy. Then ask her what she thinks/feels...keep the dialogue open and allow her to express her thoughts/fears. Don't tell her how or what she should feel..just empathize.


For those who don't know the difference between empathy and sympathy, here's a handy video from Brene Brown:
https://www.youtube dot com/watch?v=1Evwgu369Jw
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  #313  
Old 21 October 2018, 17:17
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Originally Posted by jasonglh View Post
As an added bonus because I donít already feel like an asshole for imploding my current marriage my 11 year old daughter read the text message exchange I had with my exwife about how my treatment is going. Sheís an old soul for an 11 year old and now sheís worried about her daddy. I tried to explain the best I could that I sometimes have nightmares about things Iíve seen and it makes me irritable when Iím awake but Iím working on it. Because the kid doesnít have enough on her plate worrying about the status of my current marriage with the second mom sheís known for more than half her short life. Sheís taking this separation hard especially being away from her 10 month old little brother. Itís just a hell of mess and I feel like the collateral damage is spreading to everyone around me.

Believe it or not, things will work out. Keep the commo with her open.
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  #314  
Old 21 October 2018, 20:23
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jasonglh jasonglh is offline
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Sheís a good kid and very empathic. Always been wise beyond her years and interested in psychology.

I work 18:30-06:30 on a good night. Usually just 3 days a week though but this last 2 weeks I worked 4 extra shifts just to keep myself busy.
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