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Old 23 April 2018, 23:58
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Dark Helmet Dark Helmet is offline
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Making a Good Marriage Last

Inspired by this thread:

http://www.socnet.com/showthread.php?t=96194

Most of us are wired differently than other guys....we are severe Type-A personalities, which sometimes makes marriage hard.

How do you do it?

I have been thinking about the above thread, and what I wrote there. One thing that I think has helped our marriage is that we made this life together. We were both stone-broke when we married in 1994....I sold my motorcycle to pay for the wedding and we opened up our gift envelopes the night we got married to collect money to pay for our honeymoon. What we have, we built together. That sense of building a core family has bonded us over the years.

How have you all done it?
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Old 24 April 2018, 00:12
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dark Helmet View Post
How have you all done it?
I don't know that I have done it, yet. I've been married to the same awesome woman for over 25 years. I believe that marriage is a work in progress, and takes effort. Over the years, when we've gone on autopilot, the marriage suffers. When we put in the effort, the marriage benefits.
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Old 24 April 2018, 07:24
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Quote:
Originally Posted by gavin View Post
I don't know that I have done it, yet. I've been married to the same awesome woman for over 25 years. I believe that marriage is a work in progress, and takes effort. Over the years, when we've gone on autopilot, the marriage suffers. When we put in the effort, the marriage benefits.

Same here. 39 years for us. My wife is the best thing that ever happened to me.


I got it wrong on a number of times; but I had a wife that helped me do it over. During my career, I averaged ~200 days a years deployed, TDY, etc. Longest stretch was 27 months; followed by a six-month 'break', and then another year gone.
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Old 24 April 2018, 09:39
jhes160 jhes160 is offline
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Over the years, when we've gone on autopilot, the marriage suffers. When we put in the effort, the marriage benefits.
Truer words have never been spoken. It's so easy to get on autopilot while both are working, raising kids, sports etc. etc. before you know it feels like you're just roommates instead of a married couple. A few times we've had to pump the brakes, have a talk and then on a whim just call the grand parents to watch the kids and get the fuck outta town, just the two of us.
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Old 24 April 2018, 00:14
Dino0311 Dino0311 is offline
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Being irresistible.
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Old 24 April 2018, 03:14
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We're going to hit 20 years here in about 6 weeks. If anyone can figure out how we made together this far, please let me know!
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  #7  
Old 24 April 2018, 03:56
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1RiserSlip 1RiserSlip is offline
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We're going to hit 20 years here in about 6 weeks. If anyone can figure out how we made together this far, please let me know!

I'm with you Ferryman. 35 years for me & Denise next month. Plus, we shacked up together for a year prior. That also, includes a one year hiatus to sort things out. It is a work in progress sometimes.

"Fuck you", "Fuck you too". "I didn't mean it, I love you baby". "I love you too hon".

Good pics DH! But in that black & white.... with a slightly different hair style. You could double for Kaptain Kangaroo.
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Old 24 April 2018, 04:10
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"Fuck you", "Fuck you too". "I didn't mean it, I love you baby". "I love you too hon".
Yeah. Some times you're the windshield, sometimes you're the bug. Yet after all the bitching and whining, we actually might be ending up where we were headed.
Made a plan early on, looks like its going happen. I can't wait for the day we make it to the holy land, [Tennessee] and I scream, from the top of the barn: Holy shit! What the hell did I get my self into! Arrrrgggggh!

It will work, I know it will....
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Old 24 April 2018, 06:37
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 1RiserSlip View Post
..."Fuck you", "Fuck you too". "I didn't mean it, I love you baby". "I love you too hon"....
Reminds me of....

The first phase of married sex is House Sex - Doesn't matter where you are in the house, when the urge hits you're gonna go at it right there.

After a few years, marriages progress to the Bedroom Sex phase - On the rare occasions you have sex it's in your bedroom. With the lights out.

Finally, marriages enter the Hallway Sex phase - Any time you pass each other in the hall, one of you says "Fuck You!"


And for the record, we're at 37 years and counting. And not a "Fuck You" to be heard....
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Old 24 April 2018, 07:15
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Originally Posted by firstshirt View Post
Reminds me of....

The first phase of married sex is House Sex - Doesn't matter where you are in the house, when the urge hits you're gonna go at it right there.

After a few years, marriages progress to the Bedroom Sex phase - On the rare occasions you have sex it's in your bedroom. With the lights out.

Finally, marriages enter the Hallway Sex phase - Any time you pass each other in the hall, one of you says "Fuck You!"


And for the record, we're at 37 years and counting. And not a "Fuck You" to be heard....

You forgot Make up Sex.
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Old 24 April 2018, 04:34
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Originally Posted by Dark Helmet View Post
How have you all done it?
Great question. Great thread too by the way.

I got married late in life, we've only been married 16 years. We did the math recently and I've been deployed and/or gone for something like 60% of that. We could not be more different, she has an artist brain (math, logic and teamwork modules not installed) which can lead to some interesting discussions.

She is a straight up pain in the ass at times, as I know I am but we just love each other so it all works out at the end of the day.

We just work hard at it.

She can outshoot a lot of you guys at the pistol range by the way

e: also she has great tits
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Old 24 April 2018, 04:37
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HighDragLowSpeed HighDragLowSpeed is offline
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Garbage In - Garbage Out. Wish that I had learned that about relationships earlier on.

When my mom died, my folks had been married for 54 years. I naively thought that every marriage would be like that and my parents never spoke about the factor that made their marriage so successful.

More importantly, I had a lot of things to clean up inside myself before being able to find and maintain the right relationship. You gotta be able to love yourself in order to love someone else in a way that is lasting. Sounds simple but in reality it isn't.

Kudos to those that figured all this out early in life or remained with someone with the patience to sort it all out over time. It took me until a few years ago. Late start for me after a lot of mistakes, but better late than later.
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Old 24 April 2018, 06:11
8654maine 8654maine is offline
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Anyone who has it figured out, let us all know.

I had no intention of getting married or having kids.

Most women (and men) are selfish, lying, lazy, vain windbags. Most women (and men) want to do the easy thing instead of the right thing.

This world is full of maggots. I hate maggots.

For some reason, I found a woman that decided I was worth my crankiness and misanthropy. For 19 years.

We haven't found an answer. It's fun working together to try to find one though.
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Old 24 April 2018, 06:17
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We got married between tours in Vietnam.

People change as they age, sometimes you get lucky and those changes don't include her killing you.

I got very lucky, Momma got better with age.
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Last edited by Ole crusty bastard; 24 April 2018 at 06:18. Reason: 47 years....
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Old 24 April 2018, 06:37
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My wife and I are going on 17 years. We were engaged after dating for 2 months and married 10 months later. (I sound like a young private) My friends were worried that I was going to fast. 17 years later, we outlasted most of their marriages. I married up and I know it. Three great kids that keep us on our toes. My wife and I don't take ourselves too seriously, we can banter back and fourth without one getting hurt feelings. We have been through things that would normally tear a couple apart, it's only made us tighter.

I agree with Gavin, our marriage is in a constant state of work, asways trying to make it better but also getting caught on cruise control. when you start taking each other for granted things start to fall apart.

All in all my life would have been drastically different had I not married her. It was the best choice of my life.
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Old 24 April 2018, 07:01
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We've been married 30 years now. Opposites definitely attract. We are very different people, but that allows our strengths to compensate for each other's weaknesses.

We married young - I was 20, irresponsible, and on sea duty; she was 19 and pregnant - but she is the queen of independence, organization, penny-pinching, and hard-headed unstoppableness (for both better and worse) who made it all work in spite of me. By the time I was 22 and she was 21, we had two kids, a mortgage, two cars, and money in the bank. We drive each other insane with frustration on a regular basis because we can't talk sense into each other, but in the end we both know that we love each other.

I can't say we've done it all well or correctly, but if there is a secret, I would say that it lies in recognizing each other's talents and strengths and respecting each other's opinions even when we don't agree. Over time I've taught her to read a map, drive in reverse, kill a cockroach, shoot a pistol dependably, enjoy primitive camping, and to be patient with people unlike herself. She's taught me to get out of her way when she's got a head of steam built up on some task, to never doubt her management of money or small children, to anticipate that her memory for details of the smallest events in our lives long ago is razor sharp, and that if anything brings me any level of pain she will be right there to fix it.
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  #17  
Old 24 April 2018, 10:06
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Chimo View Post
It was the best choice of my life.
Your wife is cool.
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  #18  
Old 24 April 2018, 11:35
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Originally Posted by Dark Helmet View Post
Your wife is cool.
Thanks! Funny after we hung out with you and your wife, Deb looks at me and says “they bicker back and fourth like us”. It let us see what we look like to others, and if that’s how we come across I’m good with it. You two crack me up! People mistake us for arguing when my wife says fuck you to me. Nope just busting my chops.
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Old 24 April 2018, 06:41
Gsniper Gsniper is offline
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27 for me. I always jokingly tell people to marry a woman from WV. All you have to do is buy them a house without wheels and they think you're the shit.

Seriously though, I married a woman both better looking and smarter than me and I conduct myself accordingly. There will be no "trading up" for me.
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  #20  
Old 24 April 2018, 06:45
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31 years here.... I have to echo what Dark Helmet has to say. We started with nothing. We built it. 4 Successful kids & 9 Beautiful Grandkids bind us together. Fuck - I'm old.
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